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Category (SILLINESS)


   Actors aren't quite human, but then again, who is?
   Advertising must be trite--it's the law of the jingle
   All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism
   American Non-Sequitur Society--We don't make sense, but we do like pizza
   Anarcho-Capitalist for sale or rent
   And God said, "Let there be light", and there was light. And everyone said, "Hey, cool! Do You do parties?"
   ...And I thought phrenology with a ball-peen hammer was a dying art!
   Angel: A gargoyle with cosmetic surgery
   Another case of too many scientists, not enough hunchbacks
   The ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind [picture of ants blowing in wind]
   Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate
   As long as we're going insane, we might as well go the whole way.  A mere shred of sanity is of no value.
   Ask a silly person, get a silly answer
   Ask me about my extra chromosome
   Ask me about my vow of silence
   Bad taste is timeless
   Be careful when you're playing under an anvil tree
   Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo
   Be yourself--it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it
   Because humans am stupid, that why
   Beware! The teddy bears of today still carry the vestigial claws of their ancestors
   Bill the Cat fan club
   Bisexual Separatist [picture of interlaced female symbol, smiley face, and male symbol]
   Borger King  We do it our way  Your way is irrelevant
   "Bother", said Pooh. "Eeyore, ready two photon torpedos and lock phasers with the Heffalump.  Piglet, meet me in transporter room three."
   Boxing is like a ballet, except that there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other
   Brought to you by the people who made "out of context" a household word
   Bushydo--The way of the shrub  BONSAI!
   But, Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
   Captain!  Somebody formatted the Warp Drive!
   Carpe Diem--Fish of the day
   Chopped cabbage--it's not just a good's THE SLAW
   A closed mouth gathers no feet
   Cogito Ergo Spud--I think, therefore I yam
   The cops can't get me--they're all prisoners of the donut shops
   Cry CHEEBLE! and unloose the hamsters of war
   Cthulhu Cthucks
   Cthulhu cthucks, but does he cthwallow?
   Curb your god
   Debate politics with a fern.  If you lose, refuse to water it.
   Destructive Testing Systems  You make it  We break it Guaranteed!
   The differential of hi over ho is ho di hi minus hi d ho over ho ho
   Disklexia: putting floppies in upside down
   Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes them soggy and hard to light
   Do not taunt happy fun Vorlon
   Does 'anal retentive' have a hyphen?
   Doing strange things in the name of art
   Don't bother me.  I've got my three miracle minimum.  When the Pope signs my sainthood papers, I'm outta here!
   Don't destroy the world in the first chapter--you'll find you need it later
   Don't panic--it's just mercury in retrograde and Murphy rising
   Don't play stupid with me--I'm better at it
   Don't try this at home, kids.  This stunt should only be attempted by trained, professional idiots.
   Don't try to out-weird me--I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal
   Don't worry--be silly!
   Don't you look at me in that tone of voice
   The dyslexic Borg: Assimilation is irrelevant.  You are futile.
   Dyslexics untie!  Together we can trip up the world
   Eat the Rich! The poor are tough and stringy
   Eeny Meeny Chili Beanie, the spirits are about to speak
   Entropy is what happens when the universe doesn't pay its electric bill
   Erle Stanley Gardnerian--Initiate of the Mysteries
   Eternal nothingness is ok if you're dressed for it
   Even Napoleon had his Watergate
   Every program has at least one bug and one unnecessary instruction--therefore, every program can be reduced to one instruction that doesn't work
   Every Spam is sacred
   Every tenth Jesus is queer
   Everybody talks about reality, but nobody does anything about it
   Everything I say can stand on its own two faces
   Everything in the universe is packaging, big toys, or meat
   Evil Mentalist I think, therefore you aren't
   Evolution in action [picture of Christian fish with legs]
   Flat Mars Society
   For this problem, we'll have to call in our crack team of trained solipsists
   Forewarned is half an octopus
   Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck
   From the people who made 'out of context' a household word...
   Get thee down.  Be thou funky.
   Goddesses R Us--how may you serve us?
   Gods R Us--how may you serve us?
   Gravity isn't MY fault--I voted for velcro!
   Gross anatomy--it isn't just for breakfast anymore
   Harmless ninja throwing button
   Hedonist for Hire--No job too easy
   Hit any key to continue, or any other key to quit
   Hobbes is real and Calvin is his pet boy
   Hollow chocolate has no calories
   How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
   How do you catch a unique rabbit?  Unique up on it!  How do you catch a tame rabbit?  The tame way!  Unique up on it!
   Humpty Dumpty was pushed
   I am a Shadow. I stand between the Light....and the wall
   I am Boris of Borg. Moose and squirrel are irrelevent.
   I am not a minority. I am an outnumbered majority.
   I am one of the greatest liars in the English language--I wouldn't be telling you this if I didn't know it wasn't true
   I cried for the man who had no hair until I met the man who had no head
   I do the work of three men--Larry, Moe, and Curly
   I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to
   I don't care if I'm a lemming, I'm still not going
   I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there
   I find it hard to sit still in one spot, and impossible to sit still in two spots
   I found Jesus, and he said, "Tag, you're it!"
   I have bungee fever and there's only one cure....BOING....
   I have multiple personalities, and we vote
   I have partaken of the Great Banquet of Life.  What I need now is the Great Alka-Seltzer of Life.
   I judge people by what is in their hearts--not by the color of their scales
   I like the idea of an ancient race--it makes a world feel so...lived in
   I stared into the abyss. The abyss stared into me. Neither of us liked what we saw.
   I support family values--Addams family values
   I try to see good in everything--it makes me horrible to live with
   I used to belong to a solipsism club, but I got bored and voted everyone else out
   I used to have a Heisenbergmobile, but every time I looked at the speedometer, I got lost
   I wanna have Vincent's kittens
   I wouldn't hurt a fly, but only because they taste funny
   I'd lose my body if my brain weren't surrounded by it
   I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing, and now I've got to undo it
   The idea that God is His own grandmother may be unsupported by Scripture, but who wants to offend God's grandmother?
   If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
   If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
   If God dwells within us, I hope He likes enchiladas because that's what He's getting
   If God took acid, would He see people?
   If it weren't for C, we'd be using BASI, PASAL, and OBOL
   If Jesus was Jewish, why did he have a Mexican name?
   If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a breath all the air would be on the other side of the room
   If olive oil comes from olives, and peanut oil comes from peanuts, where does baby oil come from?
   If pi were three, this sentence would look like this [the o's are hexagons]
   If stupidity is outlawed, only outlaws will be stupid
   If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?
   If you are in a car travelling at the speed of light in reverse and turn on the headlights, what happens?
   If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you may have an exciting future as a guillotine operator
   If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't go to yours
   If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
   If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
   I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing
   I'm killing time, wasting space, and going through a phase
   I'm not imaginary--I'm ontologically challenged
   I'm omnipotent--ask me how
   I'm sick and tired of all this sex on the telly! I keep falling off!
   I'm the leader.  Which way did they go?
   In case of fire, do not use elevators.  Water works better.
   In space, no one can hear you play air guitar
   In the beginning there was nothing, and God said "Let there be light."  And there was still nothing, but you could see it.
   In your heart you know it's flat!
   Incompetence is better than no competence at all
   Infinity is where you transfer from one parallel line to another
   It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that certain je ne sais quoi
   It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but only if no betting is involved
   It is better to trip and end up on the floor, than to not trip and end up on the floor for no particular reason
   It is easier for a camel to pass through a needle's eye if both are lightly greased
   It won't work--I told Orville that, I told Wilbur that, and I'm telling you now!
   It's a control freak thing--I won't LET you understand
   It's a small world, but I'd hate to have to paint it
   I've made such a terrible mess of things...and all I wanted to do was rule the universe
   I've suffered for my art--now it's your turn!
   Jeez if you love Honkus
   Jesus is coming--if He's late, your second savior is free
   Join SEA--the Society for the Elimination of Acronyms
   The lab called--your brain is ready
   Ladies' Sewing Circle & Terrorist Society
   Learning French is trivial--the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way
   Life is a journey.  Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?
   Life is too short, but if you do it fast enough, you can live it one and a half times
   The little engine that philosophized   I think I am!  I think I am!
   Lizard Invasion Newts at eleven
   Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver"
   The map is not the territory, but you can't fold up the territory and put it in your glove compartment
   May those who love us, love us. And those that don't love us, may God turn their hearts. And if He doesn't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.
   Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world and THEN I'll feel better
   Metaphysics 5 cents--the philosopher IS
   Militant Idealist--things will get better, or else
   A mind is a terrible thing--it must be stopped before it kills again
   A mind is a terrible thing to taste
   The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me
   My cat's been cashing my reality checks again
   My inner child can beat up your inner child
   National Psychic Society   You KNOW where the meetings are
   Naugahyde is murder
   Never wear a hat that has more character than you do
   Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Sartre is smartre
   Nine hundred years ago, I couldn't spell transcendent parahuman deity, and now I are one
   Occasional lapses of omniscience are the price I pay for being implementable
   Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon--after a while you'd run out of air to push against
   Once we've got the bugs ironed out, we'll be running on flat bugs
   1-800-666-HELL   The toll-free number of the Beast
   1-900-666-0666  Live Beasts!  One-on-one Pacts!  Call now!  Only $6.66/minute!  Over 18 only please
   One of the main causes of the decline of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs
   1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight--it's not just a good idea, it's the LAW
   Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read
   Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one
   Pave the planet   One world   One people   One slab of asphalt
   The pen is mightier than the sword, but the full-auto pen with the 100 ink cartridge clip is mightier than that
   Personifiers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
   Pigmentally challenged person of gender
   Planets are smarter than astronomers because planets can solve the three-body problem
   Pobody's Nerfect!
   Pogo ergo possum
   Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth
   Press ENTER to go on to the next button
   A priest, a minister, a rabbi, a feminist, an Irishman, a Jew, a gorilla, and an elephant walked into a bar. The bartender said, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
   Private Button--do not read
   Professional Nuisance for Hire--name a target, name a place, I'm there
   Real Daleks don't climb stairs--they level the building
   Reality is the opiate of the people
   Really? What a coincidence--I'm shallow, too!
   Revenge is a dish best served microwaved
   The right to arm bears is the right to be free   HOKA LIBRE FOREVER!
   The rings of Saturn are actually composed of lost airline luggage
   Riot Nrrd
   Save the universe--collect all four
   Save the werewolves--Help protect an endangering species
   A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago
   Set laser printer to stun
   Set phaser on prozac
   Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw
   A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least to the end of the blackboard
   606 The area code of the Beast
   666-6667 The Wrong Number of the Beast
   668--the Neighbor of the Beast
   666.....999 The quotation marks of the Beast
   666A   The Tenant of the Beast
   Spending a year dead for tax purposes
   T'ai Chi isn't a martial art--it's a MARTIAN art.  Martians move slowly in earth gravity
   Thank you for your gift of sarcasm.  I will cherish it always.
   That's not irrelevant, that's a hypoteneuse....or maybe it's just a fig newton of your imagination
   There are more ways of killing a cat than buttering it with parsnips
   There are three types of people--those who can count, and those who can't
   There is no heaven or hell--only smoking or non-smoking
   These are my opinions.  If they were the biblical truth, your bushes would be burning.
   Think "HONK" if you're a telepath
   THINK--If you are already thinking, please disregard this button
   This button is cursed.  As you read you will be confuset by ther printeb wertz.  Yer intellijenc wil vabni...xrt! xrt!
   This button is right side up--the person wearing it has flipped [text is upside down]
   This is no ordinary fool you're dealing with.
   This life is a test.  It is only a test.  Had it been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go.  You may or may not be issued an actual life later.
   Thou shalt eat green eggs and ham--obey thy God, I-am-that-I-am
   333 Eric the half a Beast
   Two wrongs don't make a right--it usually takes three or more
   UFO's are real--the Air Force is swamp gas!
   Veni, Vidi, Velcro I came, I saw, I stuck around
   Waiter--there's a feature in my soup!
   The warranty explicitly states that under NO circumstances shall a rocket be returned to the manufacturer under its own power
   A watched clock never boils
   We all live in a yellow subroutine
   We are all God's children--by a previous marriage
   We have met the enemy and they are us and you are me and we are all together --Walt Kelly, Lennon, and the Beatles
   We're sorry, the button you have reached is not in service.  Please check the button and dial again, or ask the operator for assistance.
   We're tired of third-rate incompetents in public office.  We want first-rate incompetents.
   Whales are mammals.  Mammals have hair.  SHAVE THE WHALES!
   What if it was the Warren Commission who killed JFK?
   What is the output of a vacuum pump?
   When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue
   When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws
   Why give the person who has everything a box to keep it in when it already comes in its own container?
   Women, children, Red Indians, spacemen, and a sort of idealized version of Complete Renaissance Men first!
   Yes, sir, we've graphed the data.  It's a smiley face, sir.
   You can do anything thou wilt in Aleister's restaurant
   You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to swim on his back, you've got something
   You can't have too many buttons--only too little surface area
   You can't teach people to be lazy.  Either they have it or they don't.
   You could be replaced by an infinite number of monkeys
   You shouldn't go faster than twice the speed of light--it's too hard on the tires
   You'll go to Heck if you don't believe in Gosh
   You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
   I went to the bathroom and they elected me Antichrist
   I'm not touching that with a 10' snide remark
   Nine out of ten of the voices in my head say "Don't shoot!"
   Do Catholic vegetarians believe in transubstantiation?
   Hubris is stealing the fire of the gods.  Chutzpah is offering to sell it back.
   They laughed at all the great inventors and discoverers.  They laughed at Galileo, at Edison's lightbulb, and even at nitrous oxide.
   Time is on my side, I get financial backing from humidity, and the temperature owes me a favor
   What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about?
   Yes, I'm an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial
   Forty gallon drums full of buttons make great wedding and housewarming presents. They're the gift that says, "Look! Buttons."
   Of course there aren't any Yetis.  They're ogres in gorilla suits.
   When life hands me lemons, I make lemonade--but what should I do with raspberries?
   Dances with scissors, plays well with wolves
   All your base are belong to us
   Will of iron, nerves of steel, heart of gold, balls of brass.... No wonder I set off metal detectors
   Ask me about UPDOC
   Got clues?
   All your database are belong to us
   For that is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons, even death may die....or come downstairs bump-bump-bump on the back of his head behind Christopher Robin Whately --The Shunned House at Poohthulhu Corner
   Go not to the surrealists for counsel, for they will say both blue and hippopotamus   
   I don't mind the voices.  I do mind the busy signal.   
   Do not taunt happy fun superpower   
   I haven't sold my soul to Satan, but we have worked out a rent to own deal   
   Madness takes its toll--EZ pass in left lane   
   My words are carved in stone, as befits a real viking. Well, stored in silicon--it's almost the same thing, isn't it?  
   Revenge is sweet, and it's best served cold.  It's a cheesecake!   
   I went on a nostalgia trip. It wasn't as good as it will be.  
   Oh, sure....but what's the speed of dark?   
   I am Dyslexia of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.  
   My two favorite colors are "Ooooh" and "SHINY!"
   "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Control freak. Say 'Control freak who?' "  
   There are only two ways to go. One is neither right nor wrong and the other one isn't.
   I've gotta be me--everyone else is already taken
   Telepathy--because a bad song shouldn't be stuck in just one head  
   6 x 9 = 42--All your base 13 are belong to us
   Go ahead. Make my breakfaast.
   There is a fine line between genius and insanity. Don't use it for a jumprope
   Set phaser on wedgie
   LEWD, CRUDE, AND RUDE and I have other traits that don't rhyme
   I am not addicted to brake fluid, I can stop any time  
   Circumflatulation: just farting around
   ORDINARY Callifragilisticexpialidocious not good enough for you?
   Around here I can write my own ticket, but now I owe myself two hundred bucks
   The memes are attacking! Warn your friends!
   Give a man an armadillo wearing a clown hat, confuse him for a day. Give him a cobra with fuzzy slippers, confuse him for a lifetime
   Fascist meanie poo-poo head
   'elev Holqoq 'oghlu'pu'bogh ghojmeH vum neH 'Iv? [Who would bother with a made up language like Elvish, in Klingon]
   If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door
   The First Rule of Fight Club is you don't sing about Fight Club
   Which side of the Chunnel do the trains run on? The inside
   I'll meet you in the lake of fire with my asbestos duckie
   Is there a test for litmus paper?
   Strong like ox, smart like cart
   Today's Monday, tomorrow's Tuesday, the day after is Wednesday. Week's half over, and we haven't done anything yet.
   You're making sense. Stop that.
   Nothing could make my ego bigger. There isn't enough room!
   Universal Solvent Corporation, Container Research Division
   I'm not performing any experiments on myself without a larger control group
   Tachyon: a gluon that isn't quite dry
   Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
   Fairy Gothmother
   I live in my own little world. That's ok, they know me there.
   Tonight, we dine in Hell. Tomorrow, I'm thinking Arby's.
   I have OCD, MPD, ADD, and an MP3 player. Wanna see my playlist?
   I love my country all the time, but I think we should start seeing other people
   Care to join me in a maniacal laugh?
   I was president of the Existentialist Society in college. I was voted Most Likely to Be.
   Overkill is just the right amount of kill
   What do we want? The status quo! When do we want it? Still....
   Not a rocket surgeon
   Fools! I will destroy you all! Ask me how!
   Delaware: the world's largest Rhode Island
   A ghost just stoppd by to say "Boo!"  
   The Lord is my shepherd, but we still lost the sheepdog trials
   If life hands you limes, ask for salt and tequila
   In pig years, I'd be a football
   I bleed glitter, poop rainbows, and fart sunshine
   Secular Humorist
   All your cheezberger r belong 2 me
   Come out, come out, whatever you are
   It's a good thing I'm not in charge of the big red button of doom
   The big red button of doom
   My inner child wants an inner puppy
   It's not a small world. It's a big world that's folded over a lot.
   You can put lipstick on a platypus, but it's still a platypus
   Stop harshin' my squee
   I love the world! That's why I'm suing for custody
   They can have my all-human paranormal romances when they pry them from my cold, undead fingers
   Balrogs have wings, but they're purely ornamental-- just like parsley on a Nazgul
   Respect traditional marriage! One robot, one octopus [silhouettes of robot and octopus)
   Contrary to science, animals can drive all their weight down through each of their legs simultaneously
   My parents went to a planet without bilateral symmetry, and all they got me was this lousy F-shirt
   Roses are #FF0000. Violets are #0000FF. All our base are belong to you.
   My parents went to a planet without bilateral symmetry, and all I got was this lousy F-shirt
   Life is an adventure-- bring a webcam
   Without a heart, one grows cold and can only love cold things. Revenge. Power. Gold. Cruelty. Parfait.
   God is watching-- it's a good thing He's easily amused  
   My job is so secret that even I don't know what I'm doing
   Yes, I know I'm evil. I practice in the mirror.
   We're here because.... [wrapped around in a circle]
   12 step program for incessant talking: Onandonandon
   One false move and I'll get silly!
   Let sleeping zombie tyrannosaurs lie
   WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED, but we aren't at home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later.
   We had to retire the Catgirl Legion after than guy stormed our citadel armed only with a laser pointer.
   Embrace your inner demons and tickle them till they pee
   I used to have a navel, but I gave it up for lint
   The Hebrew alphabet-- aleph bets belong to us
   If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck and has fangs like a duck....
   Matter cannot be created or destroyed or returned without proper receipt
   In pig years, I'd be a football
   You have the right to remain silent, but I wouldn't recommend it.
   My name is Flamingo Montoya. I stand on one foot. Prepare to die.
   Dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel
   My name is Flamingo Montoya. I stand on one leg. Prepare to die.
   If we outlaw slippery slope arguments, only outlaws will have box turtles
   We're here because [circle wraps around to repeat]
   There are two types of people in the world: those who crave closure and  
   Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.
   Supervillain Liaison
   If history repeats itself, I am *so* getting a dinosaur
   Always do things in chronological order, it's less confusing that way
   Divide by cucumber error, please reinstall universe and reboot
   I. like. how. when. you. read. this. the. little. voice. in. your. head. takes. pauses.
   Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck? Can you afford a horse-sized duck? It comes with a very large bill.
   Those who throw objects at the crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them
   If you're attacked by a bunch of clowns, go for the juggler


   Bad cop. Bad BAD cop. NO DONUT.  
   Be nice to me, or I just might develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo!
   I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense!
   Why get real? Plastic is cheaper, It doesn't rot, It comes in prettier colors, and it's much easier to clean!  
   Jesus is coming! LOOK BUSY
   You found God? If nobody claims him in 30 days, he's yours!
   I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am!
   It's a control freak thing. I won't let you understand!
   Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy, green meat is bad for you!
   Animal testing is futile! The animals always get nervous and give the wrong answers
   EARTH FIRST! We can stripmine the other planets later!
   Give the anarchists an inch, and the next thing you know, they want to be in charge!
   Out of mind - Back in 5 minutes
   Ask me about my vow of silence
   I always said I wanted to Be Somebody. I guess I should have been more specific!  
   "Bother", said Pooh. "Eeyore, ready two photon torpedos and lock phasers on the Heffalump. Piglet, meet me in transporter room three."
   Wanna come up and see my bumper sticker collection?
   Preserve the old growth lithosphere. BAN SUBDUCTION!

COMPUTERS: Dealing with Users
COMPUTERS: Personal Computers (DOS, MAC, etc.)
COMPUTERS: Programming
COMPUTERS: Specific Languages (C, COBOL, OTHERS)
COMPUTERS: Unix and Related OS's
COMPUTERS: Email, social media, the web, and usenet
L337 and LOLCAT

You have 1 catalog item in your button baggie, with 1 distinct slogan and 0 distinct custom orders
The last slogan added to your baggie was the following:

  I have no shame. I sold it because I wasn't using it.


Contact Nancy Lebovitz to discuss anything you want; she's friendly. This includes discussing the site, of course.
Or contact Joshua Kronengold, who did most of the [perl] CGI and HTML work on the site if you want to discuss similar work [He's not at all cheap, but is good and fast].