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   Alpha Female
   And the brains are even bigger!
   Angst-free zone No wallowing
   Any twelve people who can't get themselves out of jury duty are not my peers
   Anything not nailed down is mine.  Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
   Are you reading my buttons, or are you transfixed by my beauty?
   Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charismatic Horny [capital letters are emphasized]
   Because I'm the editor, that's why!
   Because I'm the writer, that's why!
   Being a pain in the ass is a prerogative of the creative mind
   The best defense is a strong offense, and I intend to start offending right now
   The boat sank.  Get over it.
   Bob built my hot rod, and he filled it with YOUR slack
   Carpe Noctem Seize the night I do more work after 2AM than most people do all day
   Cats have simple tastes--the best is satisfactory
   A child of five could understand this.  Fetch me a child of five.
   Damn I'm good
   Death or compliance--now that's not to much to ask for, is it?
   Do what I mean, not what I say!
   Does it have enhanced IR vision, a particle beam weapon with target acquisition, highly amplified arm/leg systems, self-contained atmosphere, and a small nuclear plant?  No?  Not much of a "power suit", is it?
   Don't let your mind wander.  It's too little to be let out alone.
   Don't start comparing yourself to me.  It'll just make you crazy.
   Don't try to out-weird me--I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal
   Don't worry--I know my glamour is the sort that terrifies weaklings
   Don't you look at me in that tone of voice
   Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege
   Everyone shares my opinion. Some people realize it sooner than others.
   Few things are as ego-boosting as being kicked out of an anarchy convention for unruly behavior
   Fine.  You're undead.  I have a life.
   Fuck'em if they can't take a joke
   God made a few people perfect--the rest He created right-handed
   Have no fear--I never attack lesser beings
   The hell with criticism--praise is good enough for me
   Hello.  I'm earth.  Have we met?
   Here I am!  Now what are your other two wishes?
   Hi!  I'll be your asshole for the evening.
   How can I miss you when you won't go away?
   I always thank the dinosaurs for a plentiful supply of 10W30. It may seem selfish, but they were going to die anyway
   I am a genius and should be exempt from shit
   I am not a trained killer. I LEAD trained killers.
   I am NOT conceited--I just can't stand mortals
   I am ready to meet my Maker--whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter
   I am the Imp of the Perverse (knowing this won't help you, either)
   I can handle anything as long as it doesn't require skill, talent, training, or knowhow
   I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat veggies
   I died for your sins, and all I got was this lousy button
   I don't believe in no-win scenarios
   I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on water while I'm fishing!
   I don't delegate responsibility--I delegate blame
   I don't do names
   I don't fit in--I belong to a better puzzle
   I don't have an attitude, babe--I AM an attitude
   I don't have an attitude problem--it's supposed to be like this
   I don't have an overactive imagination--I live in an underactive universe
   I don't HAVE ulcers--I give them!
   I don't need your attitude--I have one of my own
   I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I preach to
   I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there
   I don't take up more than my share of space--my share's bigger than yours, that's all
   I had no shoes and wept.  Then I met a man who had no feet.  So I said, "Hey man, got any shoes you're not using?"
   I have a firm grip on reality--by the throat
   I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber and am therefore excused from saving universes
   I have a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!
   I have an understanding with my local police--I have them outgunned, but they have me outnumbered
   I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your WHOLE BODY!
   I have no humility. It's a virtue, but I can live with it
   I know drinking kills brain cells--but only the weak ones
   I loathe anyone who keeps dogs.  They're cowards who don't have the courage to bite people themselves.
   I love my attitude problem
   I may have taught you everything *you* know, but I haven't taught you everything *I* know <underline>
   I may not understand what you say, but I'll defend to the death my right to deny it
   I never give people hell--I just tell them the truth and they think it's hell
   I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore
   I snore.  I don't care.  I don't have to.  I'm ASLEEP.
   I support everyone's right to be an idiot.  I may need it myself someday.
   I think, therefore I am.  What's your excuse?
   I tried being reasonable once--I didn't like it
   I used to be conceited--but now I'm perfect
   I warn you not to underestimate my powers
   I was a Klingon before Klingons were popular
   I wasn't born Republican, Democrat, or yesterday
   I will continue to be an impossible person as long as those who are now possible remain possible
   I will defend to the death everyone's right to my opinion
   I will not get very far with this attitude
   I wore black before I was cool
   I wore black BEFORE it was cool
   I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me
   I'd like to speak with your inner baby sitter
   If I can start it, I can fly it, drive it, or program it
   If I have offended you in any way...MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
   If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
   If I want your opinion, I'll read it in your entrails
   If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you
   If it doesn't work, use a bigger hammer. If it breaks, it needed fixing anyway.
   If Starfleet Command had wanted you to have a life, we would have issued you one
   If there is anything in the universe more important than my ego, I want it taken out and shot immediately
   If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?
   If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the Batmobile
   If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the street... the sidewalk... the lawn...
   If you have a problem with my weight, it's YOUR problem.  Would some chocolate help you forget about it?
   I'm a game master--it's lonely at the top
   I'm a law unto myself--and I break it anyway!
   I'm a misanthrope--what's your fucking problem?
   I'm an anarchist, especially about whatever someone ELSE is running
   I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals--I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants
   I'm not born again--my mother got it right the first time! [picture of goddess]
   I'm not cynical--I'm right
   I'm not loafing--I work so fast I'm always finished
   I'm not on drugs--I AM drugs
   I'm not panicking. I'm watching you panic. It's much more entertaining.
   I'm not politically incorrect--I'm euphemism challenged
   I'm not selling out--I'm buying in
   I'm self-employed, and my boss is a bastard
   I'm self-employed, and my boss is a bitch
   I'm so cool I can hardly bear to gaze upon my wonderful contenance in the morning, but it does get easier with age and wisdom
   I'm the most dangerous thing around--white trash with brains
   The impossible we do immediately.  Miracles require 24 hours notice.
   In my life, I have prayed but one prayer: "Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.
   Instant gratification isn't fast enough
   Instrument of Darwin
   Intel: putting the backward into backward compatible
   Intellectual snob and proud of it
   Isn't it interesting how your annoying habits are so much more annoying than mine are?
   It's a condescending thing, dear--you wouldn't understand
   It's a human thing, you wouldn't understand
   It's a patronizing thing--you wouldn't understand
   It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution
   It's not easy being this cute
   It's ok to disagree with me.  However, once I explain where you're wrong, you're supposed to become enlightened and change your mind.  Congratulating me on how smart I am is optional.
   It's time for reality to start adjusting to me
   I've been learning from your mistakes--I don't make enough of my own
   I've got nothing to say--don't make me say it twice
   I've had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility
   I've suffered for my art--now it's your turn!
   Jobs don't kill programmers.  Programmers kill jobs.
   Just doing my bit to lower property values
   kNOw FEAR
   The lab called--your brain is ready
   Let me control a planet's oxygen supply and I don't care who makes the laws!
   Maintaining humility can be a monumental task for some people--for me it's simply too much to ask
   Maybe the meek will inherit the earth, but if they do, they'll be inheriting it from me
   Metal is for wearing.  Flesh is for changing.  You wouldn't understand, it's a cyborg thing.
   Militant Agnostic--I don't know and you don't either!
   The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me
   More hit points than you can possibly imagine
   My great dream is that I've won all the beauty contests in the world and all the people I don't like are forced to build me a castle in France
   My ideas are beyond the comprehension of ordinary mortals.  The brilliance of my mind is dazzling.  Even I am impressed by it.
   My inner child can beat up your inner child
   My mind is made up--don't confuse me with facts
   My opinion is uncluttered by facts
   My superiority complex is better than your superiority complex
   Nerd Pride
   Nerd Pride: Why DO they think that "walking encyclopedia" is an insult?
   Never offend with style when you can offend with substance
   Nobody steps on a church in MY town!
   The Non Serviam Kid
   Occasional lapses of omniscience are the price I pay for being implementable
   Of course I'm arrogant.  The best usually are.
   Of course my job looks easy--I'm doing it
   Outnumbered, yes.  Outmaneuvered, maybe.  Outclassed, never!
   Please solve your problems in advance so that we can help you better
   Psychoamazon Warbitch from Hell with an Attitude
   Question Authority--ask me anything
   Raised by psychopathic werewolves
   Sarcasm? What's that?
   Save the mundanes--we need them for breeding stock!
   League of Pushy Women--Self-Appointed Chapter Head
   Self-sacrifice is always a virtue--in other people
   Should I hand you your ass now, or have it gift-wrapped and sent by limousine?
   Silly mortal....
   A silver tongue, a golden touch, and a mind like a steel trap
   Some people are useless on top of the ground--they should be under it, inspiring the cabbages
   Some things are still sacred--I haven't taken them apart yet
   Squint as you approach me, lest you be blinded by my beauty
   Strong typing is for people with weak minds
   Submissive in the bedroom, dominant EVERYWHERE else
   Take my advice--I'm not using it
   That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast
   That which does not kill us powers up our weapons
   There IS a conspiracy.  I'm it.
   There you go again--thinking you have rights
   This isn't denial.  I'm just very selective about which reality I accept.
   This universe is too small!  Throw it back!
   Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do
   To err is human, but I forgive you
   Until somebody debugs reality, the best I can do is a quick patch here and there
   Warning: You have entered a tact-free zone
   We both have the same problem--you
   We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients, but we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me
   We, the unwilling led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.  We have done so much with so little for so long that we are now capable of doing practically anything with virtually nothing.
   We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God
   We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm the root user
   Were you standing at the shallow end of the gene pool?
   What do you mean, YOU'RE a solipsist?
   What do you think of the human race?  I'd like an outsider's opinion
   What part of EAT SHIT AND DIE didn't you understand?
   Who hired all these tacky people?
   Why are Earth people so parochial?
   Why do people persist in walking directly into the well-marked, laser-sharpened, 80K rpm mill saw that is my ego?
   Why was I born with such contemporaries?
   You can try to leave a message, but my spirit screens its calls
   You can't be a figment of my imagination--I'd have done a better job
   You should learn to be assertive, but not with me
   You're awfully picky for someone from the twilight zone
   We have an open door policy.  And an open airlock policy.
   Alpha Geek
   Do NOT start with me.  You will NOT win.
   I can only please one person per day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow probably won't be, either.
   I'd mock you, but the thrill is gone
   If you want an answer to that question, you'd better be bringing me chocolate
   I'm not a Goth--they just dress like me
   Master of Superfluous Technology
   There is a fine line between genius and insanity.  I have erased that line.
   I'm just wearing black until I find something darker
   What I want is more money and power and less shit from you people
   Sharp sword, short temper. Any questions?
   The cutest kittens have the sharpest claws
   If you're a Goth, where were you when we sacked Rome?
   Take your need for instant gratification somewhere else
   Everyone has to face the music.  When it's my turn, I'm gonna sing.
   Things improve with age.  I'm approaching MAGNIFICENCE.
   I believe in Original Sin, and someday I hope to commit one
   It's ok to re-invent the wheel, but I hate hearing people argue about how many corners it should have
   I have the body of a god--Bacchus
   Difficult?  I can make you pray for difficult
   Got clues?
   Would you like clues with that?
   Don't mess with me--I dance with swords   
   Chaos, panic, and disorder...  at last my work here is done   
   Don't make me get the flying monkeys   
   I'm not Goth--I just look good in black   
   I want to be young and wild, and then I want to be middle-aged and rich, and then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending to be deaf   
   No--YOU need to manage my anger better   
   How to get out of jury duty--ask, "If we convict him, can we keep his stuff?"  
   I can only please one person per day. Today I choose me.
   Now let us peel back the foreskin of misconception and apply the wire brush of enlightenment
   You're here to save my soul? I'm here to test your faith  
   Come back when you can pass a Turing test  
   GO ME!  
   Still the prettiest   
   No, I don't want to hear about your cat   
   Well-behaved women rarely make history   
   There's a fire in your brain, but all I can see is the smoke coming out of your ears  
   What did I say that sounds like "Tell me about your life?"  
   I'm destined for greatness--I'm just pacing myself  
   Some people don't know how to drive. I call them everybody but me.  
   I'm a child, not an idiot!   
   I'm awfully busy. Do you mind if I ignore you later?  
   Tact is for people who aren't witty enough for sarcasm  
   Your hair is gray. MINE is silver.
   I'm the most expensive thing you'll ever think you got for free
   I'm not pompous; I'm pedantic. There's a difference. Let me explain it to you.
   Alpha Bitch
   I want you to know I've talked to God, and He agrees with me completely
   I have no shame. I sold it because I wasn't using it.
   Now that I have you at my mercy, what do I do next?
   'elev Holqoq 'oghlu'pu'bogh ghojmeH vum neH 'Iv? [Who would bother with a made up language like Elvish, in Klingon]
   SECURITY....Protecting people like you from people like me
   I reject your reality and substitute my own!  
   You see the look on my face and yet you keep talking to me
   Bad deity, bad! No apocalypse!
   All this, and brains, too!
   Warning: I argue politics and I take no prisoners
   You don't have to agree with me, but it's quicker
   Nothing could make my ego bigger. There isn't enough room!
   I'll give up my hand lotion when they pry it from my dry, chapped hands
   You don't have to agree with me, but it's quicker
   My FBI file is bigger than your FBI file
   Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again?
   You and your quaint little categories
   I'm not good. I'm not nice. I'm just right.
   You've spent your life surrounded by crazy people. Some of it has rubbed off.
   I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore"
   Because I'm awesome
   Nerd by birth-- ubergeek by hard work  
   I can only be myself. I'm sorry if that's hell for you.
   I make milk. What's your superpower?
   If I have seen farther than others, it's because I'm knee-deep in dwarves
   I have a 50,0000 word vocabulary, and I know how to use it
   If it's such a wonderful idea, YOU write it!
   Because I'm the agent, that's why
   The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list
   I was not born to break even.  
   Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am
   The hand that feeds me... is tasty
   Are you not of flimsy flesh to be so afraid?
   Made of win
   I've won! Exactly as planned
   Your peace of mind is not the most important thing in my life
   Everyone has a purpose in life, if only to serve as a bad example
   Tact is so overrated-- all it does is confuse people!  
   No, I'm exactly sensitive enough  
   Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. Don't make me use it.
   I dream of a day when all people can experience the untrammeled freedom to do what I think is normal instead of suffering under the oppressive conformity of doing what they think is normal
   Greetings, mere mortals
   My atheist superpower is that I can't be damned.
   No spell checker underlines MY words [red squiggle under MY]
   If I have to educate one more doctor, I'm going to start billing for it!
   Not interested in normal humans
   Catgirls-- fake ears, real attitude
   I remember your name. Remembering your face will cost extra.
   You can't outcrazy me-- I have crazy for blood
   Cat girls -- fake ears, real attitude
   Self-rescuing princess
   I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up
   If you use insults, I assume you've run out of good arguments
   High maintenance, and worth it!  
   I'm only authorized to tell you that you're screwed
   It's fine with me if you get off my case
   Never piss off a writer. Anyone else will only kill you; I can make you IMMORTAL.
   "Would you like to carry on disagreeing with half my sentence, or would you like to hear the other half now?"  
   I work well with others. Others. Not you.
   Are you really eccentric, or are you just wearing a funny hat?
   Benign manipulator....yes, really!
   If you're so rich, why aren't you smart?
   Please stop, you're getting the stupid on my shoes
   I have a kind face. Don't let it fool you.
   National Sarcasm Society-- like we need YOUR opinion  
   Yes, I know I set off metal detectors in airports
   You wouldn't like me when I'm angry, because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources. --The Credible Hulk
   I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you
   You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions
   It's so hard to be flexible when you're right
   You say it that way, I say it the correct way
   I am not the Jerk Whisperer
   Silently correcting your grammar
   If I had been meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote
   I'm not arguing with you. I'm telling you how right I am.
   Charismatic Megafauna
   Too many have died. But not the right people.


   Militant Agnostic. I don't know, and you don't either!
   I think, therefore I am dangerous
   Go Fascinate Someone Else
   Some push the envelope, some just lick it, and some can't find the flap!
   You! Out of the gene pool!  
   GO AHEAD, HONK   If I can hear you, you're in range  
   Leave Earth Now - Ask Me How  
   Stand aside, plebians! I am on Imperial business!
   I get along with God just fine. It's his fan clubs that I can't stand.
   Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I am a Rocket Scientist!
   The fact that no one understands you does NOT make you an Artist!
   Be reasonable. DO IT MY WAY!
   Question Authority - Don't ask why, just DO IT!
   Two tons of screaming death metal  

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L337 and LOLCAT

You have 1 catalog item in your button baggie, with 1 distinct slogan and 0 distinct custom orders
The last slogan added to your baggie was the following:

  I have no shame. I sold it because I wasn't using it.


Contact Nancy Lebovitz to discuss anything you want; she's friendly. This includes discussing the site, of course.
Or contact Joshua Kronengold, who did most of the [perl] CGI and HTML work on the site if you want to discuss similar work [He's not at all cheap, but is good and fast].