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Category (POLITICS)


   An acceptable level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job
   American elect Democrats to Congress so they'll be given what they want and Republicans to the White House so they won't have to pay for it--neither one works
   Any reform must be accounted a success which does not have an effect exactly the opposite of that intended
   Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses
   Any twelve people who can't get themselves out of jury duty are not my peers
   Ask not what you can do for your country,  but what your country is doing to you
   At least Congress doesn't make death worse every year
   Balance the budget--declare politicians a game species
   Being in politics is like being a football coach--you have to be smart enough to understand the game and stupid enough to think it's important
   Believing that you run the United States is a megalomanic delusion, especially if you're the President
   The Bill of Rights goes too far--it should have stopped at "Congress shall make no law"
   The Bill of Rights is over two hundred years old--at that age, I probably won't work either
   A billion here, a couple of billion there--first thing you know, it adds up to real money
   Bribe is such a...crass word
   Buchanan/Farakhan in 2000  Let's scare the hell out of everybody
   Bureaucrats cut red tape--lengthwise
   Can you keep as much as half of your salary after taxes?  Be sure that jackbooted thugs won't invade your home?  Operate a car--let alone a handgun--without some bureaucrat's permission?  No?  Not much of a "free country", is it?
   Censorship ///// is for your own good <has slashout>
   Children shouldn't be exposed to censorship.  Can I get a chip for that?
   Clinton wants us to sacrifice--let's start with politicians
   Congress shall make no law....What part of NO didn't you understand?
   Conservatives should learn the difference between a sin and a crime and liberals should learn the difference between a virtue and a requirement
   A corporation will do things too dumb for a person to do.  A government will do things too dumb for a corporation to do.  The bigger and older a corporation is, the more it resembles a government.
   Corrupt politicians make the other 10% look bad
   Cthulhu for President  [if you're tired of choosing the lesser of two evils]
   Debate politics with a fern.  If you lose, refuse to water it.
   Democracy is based on the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it--good and hard!
   Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch
   Democracy is the form of government where everyone gets what the majority deserves
   Do we really want the people who solved the S & L crisis to solve the education crisis?
   Don't blame me--I voted for Cthulhu
   Don't blame me--I voted for Socks
   Don't build more nukes until we use the ones we have
   Don't tell my mother I work for the government. She thinks I work as a bouncer in a brothel.
   Drug free school zone is a contradiction in terms
   'Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty' used to mean we watched the government--not the other way around
   Every revolution evaporates, leaving behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy
   First they came for the drug dealers and the inside traders, and I didn't speak out.   Then they came for the smokers and the fat people, and I still didn't speak out.  When they came for me, there was no one left to speak.
   First they came for the fourth amendment, but I said nothing because I wasn't a drug dealer.  Then they came for the sixth amendment, but I kept quiet because I wasn't guilty.  Finally they came for the first amendment, and by then it was too late to say anything at all.
   Foreign aid is the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries
   Former Fetus for Choice
   Four balls and you walk: if you're tried and acquitted four times, you can never be arrested again
   Freedom of speech is wonderful--right up there with the freedom not to listen
   Government is the great fiction whereby everyone endeavors to live at the expense of everyone else
   A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul
   Hello.  I'm from the government and I'm here to tell you that the check is in the mail.
   How come you never see a politician laugh? Because they know what they're getting away with, and if they started laughing, they'd never stop
   How many more innocent people must die before we shut the post office down?
   I am interested in politics so that someday I will not have to be interested in politics
   I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
   I don't brake for incumbents
   I don't care if *they* get the government they deserve, but why do *I* have to get the government they deserve?
   I don't care who does the electing, so long as I get to do the nominating
   I eat the flesh of the living--and I vote
   I have short-term memory loss, but I prefer to think of it as presidential eligibility
   I owed the government $3400 in taxes, so I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat
   I support family values--Addams family values
   I think so, Brain, but what if the professional wrestler doesn't want to be governor?
   I wasn't born Republican, Democrat, or yesterday
   I wonder if the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress
   I'd believe in God if I woke up one morning and all the bigots were dead
   The ideal government would just tax everyone a dollar a year and then spend it all on fireworks
   If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates
   If guns are outlawed, how will conservatives win any arguments?
   If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't it dissolve them and elect a new people?
   If the government REALLY wanted us to obey the law, they would tell us what it is
   If they don't want us to drink and drive, we shouldn't need a driver's license to buy beer
   If voting could change the system, it would be illegal. If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
   If you can't trust a woman with a choice, how can you trust her with a baby?
   If you could print all the money you wanted, and steal all the money you wanted, couldn't you manage to stay out of debt?
   If you had to look at Lee Iacocca and eat raw fish, you'd barf too
   If you want to know what government medicine would be like, ask someone in a VA hospital
   The illegal we do immediately.  The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
   I'm from the IRS.  The government has spent all your tax money.  Could we please have some more?
   I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States, but I could be twice as proud for half the money
   I'm tired of voting Demopublican--I'm going to vote Republicrat for a change
   Immoral Minority charter member
   In America, anyone can become president.  That's one of the risks you take.
   Is YOUR religion BATF-approved?
   It gets real lonely as a moderate activist, standing alone with a sign that reads, "Reasonable informed discussion of the issues as soon as feasible"
   It is most distressing to us to be the agents whereby our erring fellow creatures are deprived of that liberty which is so dear to us all--but we should have thought of that before we joined the force
   It isn't a war on drugs--it's a war on people
   It may be a police state, but it's OUR police state
   It takes the Village [prisoner bicycle with 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in center]
   I've given up trying to change the world.  I'm going to toilet train it so that I never have to change it again.
   Jailing someone to keep them from ruining their life with drugs is like burning a village to save it
   Keeping freedom safe from democracy
   Kirk & Spock '92
   Kirk & Spock '96
   Laws expand in proportion to the resources available for their enforcement
   A liberal is someone who will let you do anything so long as they're paid to help you do it
   Limit congress members to two terms--one in congress, one in jail
   Marx is a dead white male
   The most important question about governments is how they can be kept from going berserk and killing off half the population?
   My body, my choice--legalize drugs
   My greatest fear is that one of the candidates will win
   My stand on gun control is: No one should be allowed to own guns--except me
   No matter who you vote for, the government gets elected
   Nobody can fix the economy   Nobody can be trusted with their finger on the button    VOTE FOR NOBODY
   Nobody's life, liberty or property are safe when Congress is in session
   Obtain one Lamb o' God.  Garnish with about 90 vegetables and seal up tightly with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.  Allow them to stew in their own juices for 51 days, then sear quickly using a wood fire.  Serves one media circus.
   Of course, the U.S. Constitution isn't perfect, but it's a lot better than what we have now
   One evil empire down--one to go!
   One more time....this is your mind.  [picture of egg]  This is the government on your mind.  [picture of stomped egg]  Any questions?
   The only winning move is not to play [with picture of mushroom cloud]
   An onomatopia is a social-political system that just sounds good
   [picture of a marijuana leaf on a green triangle]
   The police aren't there to create disorder, they're there to preserve disorder
   Political language is designed to make lies sound useful and murder respectable
   Politically correct is a contradiction in terms
   Politicians are like diapers--both should be changed regularly for the same reason
   Politicians are like rats--what they take for themselves is trivial compared to what they destroy to get it
   Politician's Logic: Something must be done, this is something, therefore we must do it
   Politicians who support sanctions should have to take in the refugees--it's only fair
   Politics: formed from the Greek "poly", meaning many and "ticks", meaning small blood-sucking insects
   Politics is for the moment.  An equation is for eternity.
   Possession of the law is no excuse
   Practice safe government--use kingdoms
   The problem with depending on government is that you can't depend on it
   Proud member of the cultural elite
   Remember the cold war?  How pre-millennial!
   See what happens when you don't eat your broccoli!
   Self-defense is like going to the bathroom--it's not pretty, and no one else can do it for you
   Should a government that can't regulate cable tv prices and have it work be handed 14% of the economy?
   SSDC--Same Shit, District of Columbia
   State lotteries are a tax rebate for intelligence
   Support free trade--smuggle!
   Taxation is theft; Conscription is slavery; War is murder
   Taxation WITH representation isn't so great either
   There is no situation, no matter how miserable, that the police cannot make worse
   There isn't much to being a comedian when you have the whole government working for you
   Those who like sausage or political policy shouldn't watch either being made
   To err is human; to blame it on someone else is politics
   Trickle down economics: Giving money to government bureaucrats and hoping that some will trickle down to the people who need help
   The trouble with natural monopolies is that it's so much work to keep them going artificially
   The two most common things in the universe are dark matter and stupidity REN & STIMPY in '96!
   Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things ---Dan Quayle
   War isn't politics.  It is indeed the only human activity that is rottener than politics
   We're tired of third-rate incompetents in public office.  We want first-rate incompetents.
   When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first thing to be bought and sold are legislators
   When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve
   Whoever wins the election will be the evil of two lessers
   Why not outlaw heterosexuality instead of abortion?  Strike at the source!
   Why reach for the musket when the custard pie will do?
   Withdrawing in disgust is not the same as apathy
   The worst thing about censorship is <CENSORED>
   The worst thing about censorship is that it desensitizes people to violence--censorship IS violence
   The first amendment is meaningless without the freedom to not discuss the second
   Just once, I'd like to be able to vote for the better of two goods
   Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
   International Observers in '04
   He'll always be ex-Governor Bush to me
   America was designed by geniuses to be run by idiots
   Don't blame me--I voted for Bartlet
   It doesn't have to make sense--it's the rule of law
   A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed
   Don't tread on me [with coiled snake]
   Recover  Rebuild  Remember
   rm /bin/laden
   The sleeping giant has awakened
   They that can give up essential liberty for a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
   War is how Americans learn geography
   Our long nightmare of peace and prosperity is over   
   AIDS is a disease. Pat Robertson is a punishment from God.   
   Do not taunt happy fun superpower   
   Fanatic: one who does what God would do if He knew the facts of the case   
   Gods don't kill people. People with gods kill people.,   
   [American Flag]   
   How to get out of jury duty--ask, "If we convict him, can we keep his stuff?"  
   Anything with "Science" in its name isn't one....Political Science, Christian Science, Creation Science, Computer Science  
   Kill one person, you're a murderer. Kill a hundred people, you're a terrorist. Kill a million people, you're a government. Kill everyone, you're a god.  
   Using lotteries to support education is a conflict of interest
   After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it  
   If democracies don't defend civil liberties, how can we expect dictatorships to defend civil liberties?  
   Regime change begins at home   
   Eagles soar, but a weasel will never get sucked into a land war in Asia   
   We know Hussein has weapons of mass destruction--we have the receipts  
   A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular
   There is no such thing as an illegal human being   
   Democracies die behind closed doors  
   Nothing is too good for our troops means Congress hasn't found a way to pay them less than nothing   
   But I have to vote for Cthulhu or else Morgoth will win!   
   Remember when liberals opposed totalitarians and supported free speech on campuses?  
   Cthulhu in 2004 -- The stars are right!   
   The only way I could love the First Amendment more would be if it included sex and drugs
   ANYBODY BUT BUSH but it's a good thing David Duke isn't running  
   I'm not worried about the deficit. It's big enough to take care of itself.   
   Remember when conservatives supported privacy and fiscal responsibility?  
   I went to Iraq, and all I got was this lousy gas price
   Torture IS terror
   Birthdays are very important, so we need a Birthday Amendment. Gays should get less cake.  
   A million votes here, a million votes there, pretty soon you're talking about real politics
   Drag God into politics, and you've ruined His reputation before you know it
   Political skill in the absence of statesmanship is the first act of a tragedy
   Proud Member of the Reality Based Community--seeking answers through judicious study of discernable reality  
   Never get involved in a land war in Asia
   The danger to political dissent is acute where the government attempts to act under so vague a concept as to protect domestic security ---Supreme Court quote that the Justice Department tried to censor
   Save the Hubble [picture of telescope]
   So this is how liberty dies, to thunderous applause
   First They Came for Me. You're Next.
   The lesser of two evils is still less evil
   Support the separation of church and hate
   Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice
   If you return those books, we won't tell the FBI you borrowed them
   GOVERNMENT.SYS corrupt. Reboot Washington, DC? (y/n)
   If your coalition isn't driving you crazy, it isn't broad enough
   My monkey is ashamed to be related to the Kansas Board of Education
   America needs a Truth and Reconciliation Commission
   A state of war is not a blank check for the president when it comes to the rights of the nation's citizens. --Justice Sandra Day O'Connor
   My coalition is broad enough
   I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than ride in a car with Teddy Kennedy
   You make peace with your enemies--you don't need to make peace with your friends
   Bush is listening. Use big words.  
   I never thought I'd miss Nixon
   I love my country all the time, and my government when it deserves it  
   You put your hand on the Bible and swear to protect the Constitution, not the other way around
   It's all right. We weren't using those civil liberties anyway.
   Abstinence-only sex ed is like pedestrian-only driver's ed
   In politics, everyone regards themselves as a moderate because they know some other sumbitch who's twice as crazy as they are
   I used to not be interested in politics. I'd like to get back to that.
   Only the heir to the Kingdom of Idiots would fight a war on twelve fronts  
   Warning: I argue politics and I take no prisoners
   The Republican Party: Speaking power to truth
   I'll give up my hand lotion when they pry it from my dry, chapped hands
   Gay....It's the new black's the new gay
   My FBI file is bigger than your FBI file
   Conservatism is not the problem. Liberalism is not the problem. Bullshit is the problem.
   Remember when torture was something the bad guys do?
   The World Trade Center attack was a faith-based initiative
   If you don't know where you're going, don't lead
   I'm one of THEM, and I vote
   I love my country all the time, but I think we should start seeing other people
   If they can make you believe absurdities, they can make you commit atrocities
   What do we want? The status quo! When do we want it? Still....
   Whenever you give up a right, the terrorists win
   I do not consent to a search
   If you have a government that doesn't torture, so many things are so much easier
   You can print money, but you can't print trust
   Why does George Bush hate the Republican Party?
   Torture is wrong
   Klingons for Obama
   No politics [red circle and slash over "politics"]
   1984 was a warning, not a manual
   Choice: What a beatiful right
   Yes We Did
   The school day should start with a moment of science
   Politics is the art of the implausible
   LBJ's Law: Wars take longer and cost more
   If you mix religion and politics, you get politics
   I'm not entirely on anyone's side because no one is entirely on mine
   Future historians aren't sure what happened to America, but it looks as though no one could be bothered to keep it going
   Satirists cannot work under these conditions
   Remember prohibition? It still doesn't work  
   The Bill of Rights is my Patriot Act
   I've had enough history, thank you
   The laws are not the government. The government is not the country. The holy text is not the religion.
   What are we going to do when the constitution is gone and we still have a drug problem?
   I'll recognize corporations as people when Texas executes an innocent one
   You don't have a freedom until you can be a damn fool with it.
   Only one thing is impossible for God: to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. ---Mark Twain
   It's all right, we weren't using those civil liberties anyway
   EVIDENCE-BASED OUTRAGE...  A little slower, a lot more satisfying
   What do we want? Evidence based change. When do we want it? After peer review.
   Why do they call them parties? No one looks like they're having fun
   If you don't use your mind, someone else will
   In Soviet America, bank robs you
   No, you can't have my rights. I'm still using them.
   As God is my witness, I thought flying deathbots could end terrorism
   Is America ready for self-government?
   You wouldn't like me when I'm angry, because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources. --The Credible Hulk
   [Peace Symbol]
   Authority is a means, not an end
   YOUR insults are inexcusably malicious. OUR insults are justified and really funny.
   Maybe if we all email the Constitution to each other, the NSA will finally read it
   I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook
   If I vote twice, do I get to complain twice as much?
   Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle
   Never Trump
   If Trump is elected, there will be HELL TOUPEE
   It's so much easier to predict DISASTER than to estimate the resilience in the system
   If you believe the government can't do anything right, you should believe it's bad at determining guilt and innocence
   If only we were as good at politics as we are at political satire
   Conservatives and liberals both want to limited government, the limit being their imaginatins


   Don't blame me, I didn't vote for his daddy, either!
   One person, one vote (Offer not valid in Florida)
   Falwell and Robertson don't speak for me!
   Extremism in defense of religion is no virtue.
   Legalizing Concealed Weapons would be just fine if stupidity was outlawed  
   There is no freedom OF religion without freedom FROM religion
   "Gun Control" isn't about guns. It's about control.
   Blessed be the censors, for they shall truly inhibit the earth
   Censorship? We don't have any censorship. If we did, I couldn't say XXXX or XXXX..
   XXXXXX the censors!
   Balance the Budget. Declare Politicians as Game and sell Hunting Stamps.
   I love my country. It's my government I fear.
   Why should we trust the government with automatic weapons?
   Just say NO to sex with pro-lifers
   Don't steal. The government hates competition.  
   You're pro-life? That's fine. Now get one and stay out of mine!
   Pro-Free Speech. Pro-Gun. Pro-Choice. PRO-FREEDOM!
   Sure you can trust the Government! Just ask an Indian!  
   I'm doing my part to piss off the Religious Reich
   Ignore your rights and they'll go away
   The "New Right" is fundamentally wrong
   First they burn books then they burn people
   Civil Disobedience - It's not just for revolutionaries anymore!
   Vote Conservative! There's no mistake like an old mistake!
   I inhaled and I vote
   I was abducted by space aliens and I vote!
   Remember when conservatives protected privacy and freedom?
   A world without war; a dream to some, a nightmare to the arms manufacturers.
   We will never have great leaders as long as we mistake education for intelligence, ambition for ability, and lack of transgression for integrity!
   Only lawyers get to be judges, and that's the (F)LAW! (ONLY-L:
   Inside every small problem is a big one trying to get government funding
   I'm a Woman, not a Womb!
   Never trust a government that doesn't trust YOU!  
   Freedom of Religion means ALL Religions
   The "Christian Right" is NEITHER
   When cryptography is outlawed, 7c%K@mp8T=;Rfs9bVhi*5xFwW/Q[uY
   It's OUR money, not theIRS!
   Where was the INS in 1492 when we REALLY needed them? (with graphic of Sitting Bull)
   Not your child, Not your choice!
   A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. Adlai E. Stevenson
   They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.  --Benjamin Franklin, 1759  
   Pagan Voter
   ANYBODY BUT BUSH  It's a good thing David Duke isn't running

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