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   First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.   
   I don't want to nag you, BUT YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE!
   I wish I was rich enough to be as weird as I want to be
   Keep calm & warble on
   Killing time is for people who want it better dead
   Quietly sociable-- it's ok, you don't have to draw me into conversation
   In a world where zombies eat brains, you are a low calorie snack!
   Spare the rod and spoil the fun!
   If you use insults, I assume you've run out of good arguments
   Aren't you a little short to be an Imperial Auditor?
   You've read my button. Isn't that enough social interaction for one day?
   Dog dad
   The less satisfactory something is, the more it requires advertising
   Typoes make me sic
   Damn it, things are supposed to WORK!
   I tell lies for money
   Anything you can do, I can do meta
   At 40, I have achieved XLence
   Christmas = Halloween Dec 25 = Oct 31
   Curse you, ignorance! If only there was a way to acquire knowledge and apply it to the issue at hand!
   Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often.
   High maintenance, and worth it!  
   I used to have a navel, but I gave it up for lint
   I will not violate causality yesterday  
   I am the terror that flaps in the night!
   If I can't reach Nirvana, can I at least get as far as Metallica?
   What I really want is a phone with caller IQ
   The Bill of Rights is my Patriot Act
   Science can't work unless you use it
   If the Muse doesn't show up, start without her
   The Hebrew alphabet-- aleph bets belong to us
   I am not broken. Stop trying to fix me.
   I am an English major. You do the math.
   I'm only authorized to tell you that you're screwed
   It's fine with me if you get off my case
   I've had enough history, thank you
   Not only am I weirder than I know, I'm weirder than you know
   If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck and has fangs like a duck....
   Matter cannot be created or destroyed or returned without proper receipt
   I'm new at this. If you want someone more experienced next year, be nice to me.
   The laws are not the government. The government is not the country. The holy text is not the religion.
   In pig years, I'd be a football
   Tune it or die
   Your key or mine?
   Forgiveness may heal a wounded soul, but it will never replace REVENGE [first word in white, last word in red, rest in black, background is gray]
   Functioning within normal parameters
   DANCE like you have health insurance LOVE like you have a right to privacy WORK like your money won't be spent on war, corporate welfare, and jailing harmless people
   What are we going to do when the constitution is gone and we still have a drug problem?
   It takes a village to kill a zombie
   Looking for massage victim
   I don't just have issues, I have a subscription
   Sometimes the best answer is a more interesting question
   I shot the serif. [picture of a big letter S with a hole in the serif]  
   You have the right to remain silent, but I wouldn't recommend it.
   I cannot remake the universe, and must therefore put up with this one
   My name is Flamingo Montoya. I stand on one foot. Prepare to die.
   Oh crap, now you're going to try and cheer me up, aren't you?
   Real life lacks narrative tension, that's why we go to the movies
   I don't know whether to award you with an internet or thump you with it
   There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.
   There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with cheese.
   Never piss off a writer. Anyone else will only kill you; I can make you IMMORTAL.
   The confidence of amateurs is the envy of professionals
   Bodies are complicated! And tech support doesn't answer the phone!
   Please smother yourself in delicious sauces and await further instructions
   I'll recognize corporations as people when Texas executes an innocent one
   A clean house is a sign of a broken computer
   I've stopped fighting my inner demons.  We're on the same side now.
   Expecting the world to entertain you leads to boredom and sloth. Expecting to entertain the world leads to bright clothes, odd graffiti and amazing grace while running for the bus.
   You don't have a freedom until you can be a damn fool with it.
   Contrary to Occam's Razor, patients can have as many diseases as they damn well please.
   "Would you like to carry on disagreeing with half my sentence, or would you like to hear the other half now?"  
   Before the development of 'gaydar' people had to determine gayness by the stars, using a same-sextant.
   People say English isn't a tonal language, but duuuude....
   SUBliminal message
   Why can't anyone tell I'm wearing this business suit ironically?
   Suffering from insufficient blood chocolate
   Only one thing is impossible for God: to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. ---Mark Twain
   It's all right, we weren't using those civil liberties anyway
   Sacrificing minions-- is there any problem it *can't* solve?
   Bad things happen to good people because bad things don't like good people
   I work well with others. Others. Not you.
   I *do* have a clue. I just don't want to wear it out.
   If the sleep of reason engenders monsters, what does the sleep of monsters engender?
   I feel like I'm trapped in a Klein bottle-- I must have woken up on the wrong side of the Moebius strip
   I fight entropy. It's great job security.
   Just waiting for the economy to improve
   The apes whom the gods would test, they first make intelligent  
   Are you really eccentric, or are you just wearing a funny hat?
   Bacon is meat candy
   The bacon narwhals at midnight
   Benign manipulator....yes, really!
   Caffeine loading  [xxx.......] please wait
   Dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel
   Do not attempt to escape-- existence is futile
   EVIDENCE-BASED OUTRAGE...  A little slower, a lot more satisfying
   The great thing about writing is that you can set your own schedule-- any 18 hours of the day you like
   How do you protect good ideas from people who only care about status?
   I am not an odd duck, I am a perfectly normal platypus!
   I can carry on a conversation made entirely of media quotes. It's like living on Darmok.
   I never received my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, so I'm leaving the Shire to become a Jedi and join Starfleet
   I wish Facebook had a SMITE button
   If it doesn't make sense, you don't have to do it
   If you're so rich, why aren't you smart?
   I'm so Meta, Even This Acronym
   It is more important to know what is true today than to have been right yesterday
   Let's make better mistakes tomorrow
   May the odds be ever with you
   Please stop, you're getting the stupid on my shoes
   Remember what you wanted before you got used to things?
   Usefully Annoying
   What do we want? Evidence based change. When do we want it? After peer review.
   When I was your age, I had to walk two miles to get stoned and have sex
   Why be happy when you could be normal?
   You don't get harmony when everyone is singing the same note
   Gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes  
   If pain were gain, I'd be a billionaire
   You write to see your words become the light in someone else's eyes
   Non-chatty introvert. Please do your social rituals elsewhere.
   I'm a knitter-- don't needle me!
   Why do they call them parties? No one looks like they're having fun
   Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work
   Zombies do it with detachment
   The Dark Side has cookies, the Nerd Side has pi
   Help! My dice are trying to kill me!
   I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady.
   If you don't use your mind, someone else will
   In Soviet America, bank robs you
   A little hostility can take you a long way-- but possibly not in the direction you want
   My name is Flamingo Montoya. I stand on one leg. Prepare to die.
   Sometimes the best answer is a more interesting question
   Dear Algebra, Stop asking us to find your X. They're not coming back. We don't know Y, either.
   I do my best proofreading after I hit send
   If we outlaw slippery slope arguments, only outlaws will have box turtles
   Kafka was writing documentation
   Any advice which requires the use of a time machine can be safely disregarded
   Coyote's chew toy
   I have a kind face. Don't let it fool you.
   Let the customers test it-- isn't that what they're for?
   No, you can't have my rights. I'm still using them.
   As God is my witness, I thought flying deathbots could end terrorism
   Help! My dice are trying to kill me!
   If you use a slippery argument once, you'll use it for absolutely everything
   Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work
   When's the next cat bus?
   I fixed up my zombie defence by surrounding the house with triffids. What could possibly go wrong?
   When words fail, music speaks
   The horrible thing about computers is that they ALMOST work
   Try kindness first. It just might work.
   Is America ready for self-government?
   We're here because [circle wraps around to repeat]
   Keep calm and carry yarn  
   My car stops at all yarn shops
   Rippit! Rippit! A-frogging we will go!
   So much yarn, so little time
   She who dies with the most fabric wins and I want to go the the estate sale
   Works with sharp pointy objects
   Now, I'm no heterophobe, but in a heterosexual relationship, like... which one's the man, and which one's the other man?
   There are two types of people in the world: those who crave closure and  
   Ambiguity: What happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness
   Being lucky is not a repeatable strategy
   Do not trust atoms, They make up everything.
   Epic fail is still epic
   The ham is melting, the turkey is suspended in midair, the salami is eating its own egg. Why did we even come to the salvador deli?
   How much computing power do you need? MORE  
   If you're dating someone who doesn't like Star Wars puns, you're looking for love in Alderaan places
   National Sarcasm Society-- like we need YOUR opinion  
   The only thing that makes one an artist, and that's the opposite of hanging out  
   Proud Member of the Stinky Cheese Society
   Staring at the screen won't make the computer go any faster
   Statistically speaking, only one dwarf in seven is Happy
   Yes, I know I set off metal detectors in airports
   Nice hypothesis you've got there. It'd be a shame if someone happened to test it.
   Old Goths never die, but it becomes increasingly difficult to tell the difference
   Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.
   Supervillain Liaison
   Suspense consists of letting an audience know exactly what is about to happen, and then making them wait for it --Alfred Hitchcock  
   Unreliable Narrator
   You wouldn't like me when I'm angry, because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources. --The Credible Hulk
   Zombies eat brains. Don't worry, you are safe.
   Drama Free Zone
   I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you
   I want to see the fight between James Kirk and Teela Brown
   If history repeats itself, I am *so* getting a dinosaur
   There's nothing better than having the scriptwriter on your side
   You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions
   Be excellent to each other
   Always do things in chronological order, it's less confusing that way
   Divide by cucumber error, please reinstall universe and reboot
   I. like. how. when. you. read. this. the. little. voice. in. your. head. takes. pauses.
   I'm so stressed, I'm getting on my own nerves
   It's so hard to be flexible when you're right
   Petroleum-based knitter, removing that nasty oil from the ground one skein at a time
   Real life in: sarcasm out
   You say it that way, I say it the correct way
   The barman says: "We don't serve time travelers here." A time traveler walks into a bar.  
   Dear Dracula, remember that night a few years ago. Well, we have a son. His name is Edward. --Sincerely, Tinkerbell
   I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it. Or I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I have to keep repeating it until you do get it. Really, I prefer IP jokes. It's all the delivery.
   [three separate lines] NaCL NaOH The base is under a salt!
   I am a very responsible person. Whenever anything goes wrong, everyone says I'm responsible.
   I've given up on history. Too many spoilers.
   By the Flying Spaghetti Monster's meaty balls!
   If you need to hide the close button, that means people don't want to read your ad!
   What's your job? Programming What's your hobby? Programming What do you do when you're not programming? Think about programming  
   My boss is a Norse electrician
   Musicians duet better
   [G clef] Here comes treble
   Monday, Tuesday, then WTF
   Still loyal to the brontosaurus, and Pluto is SO a planet
   Think outside the Klein bottle
   [Peace Symbol]
   Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to dis a brie?
   Nobody treats the cat right!
   Keep clam and poofread
   Lego is Danish for caltrop
   Maybe if we all email the Constitution to each other, the NSA will finally read it
   My other car is a purse
   Dear whatever didn't kill me, I'm strong enough now. Thanks.
   Only by stepping back to look at the big picture can we find out if we were standing with our backs to a ledge
   Seven days without a pun make one weak
   You can't revise nothing
   Make it as easy as possible for people to agree with you
   Be careful, your willpower is stronger than your connective tissue
   The dangers of lesnerizing are nothing to sneeze at
   I'm not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it.
   Pornography gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house
   RELAX-- nothing is under control
   Those who throw objects at the crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them
   Two opposable thumbs up for evolution
   Why didn't the Doctor save Krypton? Fixed point in time, so sorry
   Still loyal to the brontosaurus, and Neptune is SO a planet!
   Contains 100% recycled interstellar debris
   If you're attacked by a bunch of clowns, go for the juggler
   My brain has too many tabs open  
   God should have forbidden Adam and Eve from eating the SERPENT
   I just ate 14 cans of alphabet soup, and I just had the biggest vowel movement ever. Is that consonant with your experience?
   I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook
   I turn the other cheek. I only have four of them, so SO DON'T OVERDO IT!
   If I had been meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote
   If I vote twice, do I get to complain twice as much?
   If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?
   Keep your id inside your superego when your keyboard is in motion
   Not my circus, not my monkeys
   Synonym: a word used in place of the one you can't spell
   Ever since I heard about confirmation bias, I've been seeing it everywhere
   One cat shy of "Crazy Cat Lady"
   Do not hold cat when tail is in motion
   Remember to close all parentheses. We're not paying to air condition the entire paragraph.
   This being an adult thing is so HARD
   Will hench for food
   A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee
   You never know how much you have until you clean your craft room
   One thing that annoys me, among the many things that annoy me
   I'm not arguing with you. I'm telling you how right I am.
   At least I make the cat happy
   ,,,,, [chameleon]
   Subjunctively impaired Waswolf
   Goddamn Entropy
   Watch out for arguments based on some future event.The most obvious thing about the future is that it hasn't happened yet.
   Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle
   Anything that's strong enough to do good is strong is strong enough to do harm
   You can push the envelope, but it's still stationery
   With all that time in the desert, he could have given the horse a name
   [diagram] Two volts enter, one volt leaves THUNDER OHM
   SOCIETY: Be yourself. No, not like that.
   Never Trump
   Life is an illusion. Make your saving throw.
   It'll nr increasingly cool right up until
   I drink and I know things
   I have a bad case of ingrown cat.
   I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around
   I thought I saw a whale, but it was just a fluke
   If Trump is elected, there will be HELL TOUPEE
   Charismatic Megafauna
   Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels
   It's so much easier to predict DISASTER than to estimate the resilience in the system
   If you believe the government can't do anything right, you should believe it's bad at determining guilt and innocence
   If only we were as good at politics as we are at political satire
   The Holocaust didn't begin with killing, it began with words
   Dance like nobody's watching--encrypt like everyone is
   Keep Beach City weird
   I can't get out of bed.... these blankets have accepted me as one of their own and if I leave I might betray their trust
   Born to tweak, modify, adjust, fine tune, and dither while trying to find the right word
   Come here you big beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about what we're going to do today
   Conservatives and liberals both want to limited government, the limit being their imaginatins
   Curiosity is the cure for boredom. There is no cure for curiosity.
   If you don't like the fake news you're gettting, make your own
   I don't like the gender binary. Not one bit.
   I'm an artist. Pay me in money. People die of exposure.
   Hyperbole is the worst thing EVER
   Nothing is ever only a coincidence
   Older people think of computers as expensive devices that don't work reliably. Younger people think of computers as cheap devices that don't work reliably.
   Some people hear of a disaster and think, "What can I knit for that?"
   Too many have died. But not the right people.
   What does a thesaurus have for breakfast? A synonym roll

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Or contact Joshua Kronengold, who did most of the [perl] CGI and HTML work on the site if you want to discuss similar work [He's not at all cheap, but is good and fast].