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Category (PUNS)

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   Advertising must be trite--it's the law of the jingle
   All power corrupts, but we need the electricity--D. W. Jones
   All the world's an analog stage, and digital circuits play only bit parts
   Ankh if you love Isis
   The ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind [picture of ants blowing in wind]
   Assassins do it from behind
   Assassins, Inc.--We aim to please
   Avoid computer viruses--practice safe hex
   Be careful--the last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease
   Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh d'Etat!
   Beauty and the Beast--Bright Lights, Big Kitty
   The beauty of a pun is in the "OY!" of the beholder
   Before I go to bed, I want some filk and cookies
   Berserkers do it without thinking
   Beware of Quantum Ducks--Quark! Quark! Quark!
   Beware the Grin Reaper [smiley face with teeth]
   "Bones! It's Pirate Roberts!"  "He's Dread, Jim."
   Bushydo--The way of the shrub  BONSAI!
   Buy one omnipotent being, get one free Q-PON
   C code.  C code run.  Run, code, run!
   C sick and sh shocked
   The C Team--I love it when a program comes together
   C++--It's still only average
   C++ Where only your friends can access your private parts
   Captain!  Somebody formatted the Warp Drive!
   Celestial Mechanic--inclined to be eccentric
   C'est la vie.  C'est la guerre.  [picture of celery] Say no more.  Say what?
   C'est la vie,  C'est la guerre,  Say no more
   Chem E's make the best heat exchangers
   Child of a Looser God
   Chopped cabbage--it's not just a good idea...it's THE SLAW
   Christians do it with Grace
   Christopher Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the Pooh
   COBOL programs are an example of artificial inelegance
   COBOL sucks, Pascal bytes, and assembly is a bits!
   Cogito Ergo Spud--I think, therefore I yam
   Computer Technicalities--it's all geek to me
   Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process
   Couch potatoes have brain tubers
   The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo
   A cowboy walked into a bar. He was wearing a paper hat, a paper bandana, a paper shirt, paper chaps, and paper pants.  He was arrested...for rustlin'
   Does 'anal retentive' have a hyphen? How about a colon?
   Don't drink and derive--know your limits   This kind of humor is integral to calculus
   Down to the C in chips
   Dragonriders do it in between
   Enlightenment is not a bureaucracy.  You don't have to go through channels.
   Erle Stanley Gardnerian--Initiate of the Mysteries
   Evolution--life's a niche, and then you die
   An excess of syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-colon
   Fantasy isn't our crutch--it's arcane
   Forewarned is half an octopus
   A Freudian slip may be revealing, but a Jungian slip is just a mythstake
   Fun Guy from Yuggoth
   Give generously so that EPOXY can be cured
   Give me a straight line and I'll bend it for you
   God created a 24-hour light and dark cycle.  The angels asked, "What will You do next?"  "Call it a day."
   Hail to the Sun God!  He is the Fun God!  Ra!  Ra!  Ra!
   Have an affair. It'll help break up the monogamy
   Heralds don't pun--they cant
   <hebrew: chet,yod> guys
   <hebrew: chet, yod> y'all
   High Voltage Electronics--life's a glitch, and then you fry
   How do you catch a unique rabbit?  Unique up on it!  How do you catch a tame rabbit?  The tame way!  Unique up on it!
   How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?  One third less than it takes to change a regular bulb.
   I grew up on Mt. Everest and everything's been downhill since
   I love it when a pun comes together
   I need my sinuses like I need a hole in the head
   If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station?
   If it isn't baroque, don't fix it--unless you're sure you can handel it
   If it's long dark and green and its bite makes you scream, that's a moray
   If olive oil comes from olives, and peanut oil comes from peanuts, where does baby oil come from?
   If space is warped, time is all that's weft
   If this is tourist season, what's the bag limit?
   If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?
   If we're both Significant Others, are we a couple of SO-and-SO's?
   If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.
   If you eat Twinkies Lite, do you kill one third less people?  No, but you get a much lighter sentence
   If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
   I'm a Zen nudist--I'm naked in my own mind
   I'm apathetic and I don't care
   I'm not God, I'm your GM.   Consider me your Angel of Murphy.
   I'm pink, therefore I'm spam
   I'm sorry, my karma ran over your dogma
   Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant
   Incorrigible Punster--do not incorrige
   Indulgences are Papal, too
   Invertebrate Punster   Spinelessly unable to resist a pun   So slug me!
   Is PL/1 Batchrian or dromedary?
   It's an Elder Thing--you wouldn't understand
   Jewish mystics do it by dybbuk
   Just Say Whoa   Stop suicidal cavalry charges   Remember the 600
   Kamikaze Paranomasiac each pun a killer
   L'etat c'est Moe   All the world's a stooge
   Life is complex--it's partly real and partly imaginary
   Life's a beach, and then you dry
   Life's a witch, and then you fly
   Light Sabers--a part of living
   Live Lent in the fast lane
   Lizard Invasion Newts at eleven
   Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
   Master of Pun Fu
   My other cat is a Jaguar
   Nice computers don't go down
   Nice computers only go down once a day
   Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Sartre is smartre
   No one expects the Spammish repetition   Spam!  Spam!  Spam!  Spam!
   No quarter asked--no change given
   On the road, Zippy is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a point
   1/3 + 1/222 = 225/666 Beast Common Denominator
   An onomatopia is a social-political system that just sounds good
   Oy vi! Grody to thEmacs!
   Paladins were born to raze Hell
   A person's concepts should exceed their vocabulary, or what's a metaphor?
   Pipers do it with Amazing Grace
   Poets make better lays
   Pogo ergo possum
   Practice safe government--use kingdoms
   Pretend to spank me--I'm a pseudo-masochist
   Pundit
   Purranoia: the fear your cats are up to something
   Quantum Mechanics are <psi>chotic
   Read my LISP--no new syntaxes
   Real dragons don't sing opera--just torch songs and scales
   rw-rw-rw: The file protection of the beast
   Schroedinger cut the wave equation down to <psi>'s
   Scottish country dancers are reel people
   The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line
   Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw
   Sick, sick, sick--the humor of the Beast
   669 The Number of the Beastiality
   668--the Neighbor of the Beast
   SUSHIDO--The way of the Tuna
   That was ZEN, this is TAO
   These are the days of Miracle Whip and Wonder Bread
   This doll looks like a hunter, but press the hidden button and it turns into a deer.  It's an Acteon Figure!  Pack of dogs sold separately
   Time wounds all heels
   To baldly go where no man has gone before
   To thine own self be cool
   Two atoms bump into each other.  "Are you ok?"  "No, I lost an electron."  "Are you sure?"  "I'm positive."
   2 x 4 x 666   The Lumber of the Beast
   Waiter--there's a feature in my soup!
   Wandering Punster
   We all live in a yellow subroutine
   We hackers live for danger.  It's part of the code.
   Whales are mammals.  Mammals have hair.  SHAVE THE WHALES!
   What do macrobiotic cats eat?  Brown mice
   What do you get if you have thirteen witches in a hot tub?  A self-cleaning coven
   What does a sacred chao say?  MU!
   What goes "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!"?  A parroty error
   What part of NEIGH didn't you understand? [picture of angry horse]
   What's large, gray, and not to the point? An irrelephant
   What's seven feet tall and runs around the Himalayas with a light saber? A Yeti Knight
   What's vanilla, vanilla and vanilla? Ice cream clones
   When I knead my friends, they turn their backs
   Why can't the Buddha vacuum under his sofa?  He has no attachments
   Why get real when artificial is so much easier to keep clean?
   Why is Cleopatra so resistant to therapy?  Because she is da Queen of da Nile
   Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
   The world is cracked; this is all a bad yolk
   Would all punsters please keep their gags in their mouths?
   Yellow journalism is media ochre
   You say nah-celle, I say nay-celle--let's call the holo thing off
   Computer Analyst: "Now lie down and tell me about your motherboard...."
   It is better to light one candle than to curse the Darth
   What does a pagan do at a parking meter?  Reads the signs, calls the quarters, and pays tribute to Demeter
   Dijon Vu: The feeling you've seen mustard before
   Faith manages, Willow does tech support
   We are the SCAborg.  Prepare to be assimilated.  Resistance is feudal.
   Is that a raw fish in your pocket, or are you happy sashimi?
   Seen on a rubber chicken: puns don't kill people, pullets do
   If you're a Goth, where were you when we sacked Rome?
   I find 'lactose intolerant' offensive. I prefer 'persona non gratin'.
   Carpe per diem
   I want to move to theory.  Everything works in theory.
   Recovering Upholsterer
   Vodka corrupts. Absolut vodka corrupts absolutly.
   My home shows the beneficent influences of books, games, CDs, computers....fan shui
   Shouldn't pi be a round number?  Well, it's around 3.14
   I have a horrible hacking cough-- every time I clear my throat, I break into another computer system
   Judaism: an argument between God and His chosen pilpul
   I am Locution of Borg. Prepare to be a simile.
   What Would Scooby Do?
   What did the surgeon say to the patient who wanted to close his own incision? Suture self.
   Born to pun
   Calculus: the agony and dx/dt
   I've packed my emotional baggage and I'm ready for my ego trip
   A mind is a terrible thing to baste. Mine is fried.
   Today, on Paperview: The World Origami Championship
   There is no GAP in Rohan
   The fatherhood of God, the brotherhood of man, the neighborhood of Boston
   Use vowels every day or you'll get consonated
   I am a computer geek. I bite the most significant bits off virtual chickens.
   I am a computer geek. Watch me eat a bug.
   The pun is mightier than the sword
   The Atkins Diet: It's a no-grainer
   Bacteria don't die, they phage away
   What sexually transmitted disease can you get from a hand puppet? The clap
   Librarians for Cthulhu--tentacle support
   Renaissance is feudal. Prepare to be anachronated.
   Humanists do it with people
   Shared pain is lessened. Shared joy is increased. You break even on puns.
   The email of the species is deadlier than the mail
   I believe in gravity. It' always lets me down.
   You are what you eat, so stay away from the jerk chicken
   You can't make an Omelas without breaking eggs
   God said to Noah, "On your ark, get set, go!"
   What kind of car does God drive? A Plymouth. "For He drove them out of the garden in His Fury."
   yip yip yip yip yap yap yip  *BANG* NO TERRIER
   Possession is nine-tenths of the lwa --Papa Legba
   ROCK IS DEAD long live paper and scissors
   Aikido--the Asian art of people-folding
   If you friend me, do I not read?
   Change is inevitable. Exact change is appreciated.
   Sith happens
   The temperature of Hell is measured in degrees Calvin
   I am not addicted to brake fluid, I can stop any time
   ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS
   Support the separation of church and hate
   [bits of ice striking hull] "Captain, we're being hailed"
   I tried serial monogamy, but it was too soggy with milk
   If AIs can act, will they form Turing companies?
   When the Devil goes bald, there will be hell toupee
   My name is Borg. James Borg. Agent 007 of 9. Licensed to assimilate.
   A Rowling tome gathers no loss
   A Buddhist nudist practices yoga bare
   Those who do not remember the Alamo are condemned to repeat it. --Santa Yanna
   Jews for Exegesis
   Que-sera--sserole! Whatever we'll have, we'll eat. In one dish, combine and heat. Que-sera-sserole!
   Why do crows tease cats? Just caws.
   What do you get if you cross a tse-tse fly with a mountain climber? Undefined. A tse-tse fly is a vector and a mountain climber is a scalar.
   When squid summon demons, they use a 10 pointed star---that's right, a tentacle
   Tachyon: a gluon that isn't quite dry
   I have HDADHD. I have trouble focusing, but when I do it's REALLY clear
   Do not meddle in the affairs of sailors, for they are subtle and quick to anchor
   Talk nerdy to me
   Warp drive is for distance. Weft drive is for going back and forth. It's good for shuttles.
   The Bible talks about St. Paul, but never mentions Minneapolis
   Fairy Gothmother
   Gender is a drag
   Why are pirate jokes funny? They just ARRRRRR
   Why are pirates so mean? They just arrrr!
   We are BPAL of Borg, resist scents is useless
   A ghost just stoppd by to say "Boo!"
   Relish today, ketchup tomorrow
   The beading will continue until morale improves
   Metaphors be with you
   If money is the root of all evil, it must be imaginary
   Pot? Meet Kettle. It's the new black.
   Can God make rock so heavy he can't thrash to it?
   No, you're a doctor. I'm THE Doctor. The definite article, you might say.
   Help! I'm molting and I can't get down
   Follow that car, Godzilla, and step on it
   "Get real" [says PI] "Be rational" [says the square root of -1]
   A 'fat quarter' is NOT a body part!
   As ye sew, so shall ye rip
   Blessed are the piecemakers
   Old quilters never die. They just go to pieces.
   Madame Defarge Knitting Society-- knitting on the cutting edge!
   f(x) went into a bar. "Sorry", said the bartender. We don't cater to functions.
   Evil cyborg with a chip on its shoulder
   Remember: With great power comes great current squared times resistance
   What's the difference between a sculptor and a hair dresser? A sculptor makes faces and busts, but a hair dresser just curls up and dyes
   It bugs me when I can't remember the entomology of a word
   The volume of a pizza of thickness 'a' and radius 'z' is given by pi*z*z*a
   It bugs me when I can't remember the entomology of a word
   Vampires have no life
   Zombies hate fast food
   Bb, Db, and F walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve minors." So Db left and Bb and F had an open fifth between them.
   Vegetarian Zombie.... Grains. Give me grains!
   Owning cats is life in the Bast lane
   I was into cryonics before it was cool
   Faeries do it dusted
   The farce is strong in this one
   Mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still
   Typoes make me sic
   Anything you can do, I can do meta
   At 40, I have achieved XLence
   I used to have a navel, but I gave it up for lint
   If I can't reach Nirvana, can I at least get as far as Metallica?
   The Hebrew alphabet-- aleph bets belong to us
   I don't just have issues, I have a subscription
   I shot the serif. [picture of a big letter S with a hole in the serif]
   My name is Flamingo Montoya. I stand on one foot. Prepare to die.
   Before the development of 'gaydar' people had to determine gayness by the stars, using a same-sextant.
   SUBliminal message
   Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work
   Zombies do it with detachment
   The Dark Side has cookies, the Nerd Side has pi
   My name is Flamingo Montoya. I stand on one leg. Prepare to die.
   Dear Algebra, Stop asking us to find your X. They're not coming back. We don't know Y, either.
   Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work
   Ambiguity: What happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness
   Do not trust atoms, They make up everything.
   The ham is melting, the turkey is suspended in midair, the salami is eating its own egg. Why did we even come to the salvador deli?
   If you're dating someone who doesn't like Star Wars puns, you're looking for love in Alderaan places
   You wouldn't like me when I'm angry, because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources. --The Credible Hulk
   [three separate lines] NaCL NaOH The base is under a salt!
   By the Flying Spaghetti Monster's meaty balls!
   Musicians duet better
   [G clef] Here comes treble
   Monday, Tuesday, then WTF
   iTired There's a nap for that
   Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to dis a brie?
   Seven days without a pun make one weak
   The dangers of lesnerizing are nothing to sneeze at
   If you're attacked by a bunch of clowns, go for the juggler
   I just ate 14 cans of alphabet soup, and I just had the biggest vowel movement ever. Is that consonant with your experience?
   If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?
   ,,,,, [chameleon]
   Subjunctively impaired Waswolf
   You can push the envelope, but it's still stationery
   [diagram] Two volts enter, one volt leaves THUNDER OHM
   I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around
   I thought I saw a whale, but it was just a fluke
   If Trump is elected, there will be HELL TOUPEE
   Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels
   What does a thesaurus have for breakfast? A synonym roll

Stickers

   The Few. The Browed. The Klingon Marines.
   Alcohol and calculus don't mix NEVER DRINK AND DERIVE!
   Bean me up, Scotty! They make lousy coffee down here
   ZenCrafters Total enlightenment in about an hour!
   Witch Wagon - Tailgaters will be Toad
   Sanity is a state of mind ...but the taxes are so high, I had to move away.
   Wizard Wagon - Tailgaters will be toad
   Life's a beach - and we're just surfing time
   Passing Side [left arrow]  Suicide [right arrow]
   Calculus: The agony and dx/dt

ADVICE
ANARCHY
ANGST
ANIME
ANTI-BUSH
THE ARTS
ATTITUDE, ARROGANCE, BOASTING
BABIES AND OTHER RELATIVES
BACKRUBS AND HUGS
BITCHINESS AND PMS
BOOKS
BUREAUCRACY
CAFFEINE
CATS
CHOCOLATE
COME ONS, TURNDOWNS, SEX, GENDER
COMPUTERS: General
COMPUTERS: Angst
COMPUTERS: Bugs
COMPUTERS: Dealing with Users
COMPUTERS: Jobs
COMPUTERS: Personal Computers (DOS, MAC, etc.)
COMPUTERS: Programming
COMPUTERS: Puns
COMPUTERS: Specific Languages (C, COBOL, OTHERS)
COMPUTERS: Unix and Related OS's
COMPUTERS: Email, social media, the web, and usenet
CROSSOVER
CTHULHU
CYNICISM
DISCORDIANISM
DOGS

DRINKING AND DRUGS
DRIVING
ELECTION 2004
FAERIE
FANDOM
FIBER ARTS
FIRST AMENDMENT
FANTASY
FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING
FOOD
IDEALISM
INSANITY
KINKY
LANGUAGE
LATENESS
L337 and LOLCAT
LEFT-HANDEDNESS AND DYSLEXIA
LIBRARIES
MAGIC: THE GATHERING
MATHEMATICS
MEDIA
MEDICAL
MEDIEVALISM
MILITARY AND WAR
MONEY
MOOD AND TEMPERAMENT
MORNINGS, SLEEP DEPRIVATION
MURPHY'S LAWS
MUSIC
9/11
NINJA
NUMBER OF THE BEAST

OBSCURE
PAGANISM
PARADOXES AND LOGIC
PIRATES
POLITICS
PUNS
PURPLE
REALITY
RELIGION
RIDDLES
SCHOOL
SCIENCE
SECOND AMENDMENT
SCIENCE FICTION
SICK HUMOR
SILLINESS
SMOKING AND NON-SMOKING
SONG PARODIES
SPACE
STRESS
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISM
UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
VAMPIRES
VIOLENCE
VERY SECRET DIARIES
WEAPONS
WEIRDNESS
WORK
WRITING
ZOMBIES
MISCELLANEOUS

Contact Nancy Lebovitz to discuss anything you want; she's friendly. This includes discussing the site, of course.
Or contact Joshua Kronengold, who did most of the [perl] CGI and HTML work on the site if you want to discuss similar work [He's not at all cheap, but is good and fast].