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   Abandon all hope, ye who PRESS ENTER here
   After a correction has turned out to be a mistake, it will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation
   Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog.  Few people are interested, and the frog dies of it.
   Angst-free zone No wallowing
   // /// ////As ins pers ex-piring writer <has slashouts>
   At least Congress doesn't make death worse every year
   Authors rarely welcome even the most constructive advice
   The banality of evil is far outstripped by the banality of anxiety neurosis
   Be sure to save your money--you never know when it might be worth something
   Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life here
   Beam me up--they're not hiring either
   Being depressed by the poor isn't much worse than being bored by the rich
   Bite off one chicken head and they never let you forget
   Bugs don't happen because you do something.  Bugs just are.
   A conference is a place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought
   Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the problem
   Deja Fu: The feeling that somewhere, somehow you've been kicked in the head like this before
   Democracy is the form of government where everyone gets what the majority deserves
   DISORGANIZATION is merely the sign of a very healthy individual trying to do more in a shorter period of time than those lazy, obsessively tidy types who can think of nothing better to do than straighten objects in drawers and stuff like that which only feeds their egos and makes them think that they are better than those of us who are truly gifted
   Don't mind me--I'll just bleed
   Don't Panic!  It's all right.  Everything is going to be just fine.
   Don't try to engage my enthusiasm--I haven't got one
   Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.  Thank you for your cooperation.
   Eagles soar but a weasel will never get sucked into a jet engine
   Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it
   Everything is going to be all right--for varying values of all right
   Experience is the worst teacher.  It gives you the test first and the instructions afterwards.
   Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has been fixed
   Go on and try it.  The worst you can do is make a fool of yourself in front of all your friends.
   Grad School--it's not a job, it's an indenture
   grumble grumble growl hiss bitch whine piss moan
   Have food--will work for money
   Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make music that will melt stars
   I am a genius and should be exempt from shit
   I don't care if *they* get the government they deserve, but why do *I* have to get the government they deserve?
   I don't have to take this abuse from you--I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me
   I don't need you, you know--I can be lonely all by myself
   I have partaken of the Great Banquet of Life.  What I need now is the Great Alka-Seltzer of Life.
   I spend my life doing things I detest to make money I don't need to buy things I don't want to impress people I don't like
   I think I got the wrong box of cereal.  I keep getting the nuts and the flakes.
   I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed
   I was sitting in the lap of luxury--and then luxury stood up
   If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
   If my income is fixed, how come I'm always broke?
   If only there were some indication the universe was doing it on purpose
   If only you could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to do anything
   If that which does not kill me makes me stronger, I must be Arnold Schwarzenegger by now
   If we can build a space shuttle, why can't we build a decent mattress handle?
   I'm an ARTIST--please feed my creditors
   I'm taking last week back to the store, and I won't even ask for a refund
   Implementation is the fruitless struggle by the talented and underpaid to fulfill promises made by the rich and ignorant
   Is the world full of smart people pretending or imbeciles who mean it?
   It may be a police state, but it's OUR police state
   It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milkbone underwear
   It's been lovely, but I have to scream now
   It's hard to be one of the thousand points of light when you can't pay your electric bill
   It's just AFOG [Another Fucking Opportunity for Growth]
   I've suffered for my art--now it's your turn!
   Just one nuclear family can ruin your whole life
   Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either
   Life--a sexually transmitted disease that afflicts some people more than others
   Life always sucks--some days it just bothers you more than others
   Life...don't talk to me about life
   Life imitates art, but does it have to imitate satire?
   Life is a holiday in the same way that glass is a liquid
   Life is much too complicated in the morning
   Life isn't always fair, but it shouldn't cheat that much
   Life needs pulldown menus and an undo function
   Life's a bitch--and then you die
   Light a candle, curse the glare
   The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon
   Maybe I don't FEEL like smiling
   Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world and THEN I'll feel better
   My greatest fear is that one of the candidates will win
   My life's really not so awful--it just seems that way when I'm awake
   Never volunteer--they'll send you to earth
   No major project is completed on time, within budget, or by the same staff who started it.  Yours will not be the first.
   No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep up
   Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious
   Oh God, I'm so depressed
   Oh, no.  Not again.
   The problem with trouble-shooting is that trouble shoots back
   Reality corrupts.  Absolute reality corrupts absolutely.
   Shouldn't the cosmic stupidity hopper be empty by now?
   Slit your wrists--it'll lower your blood pressure
   Some people live life in the fast lane.  I live in oncoming traffic.
   Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug
   Suffering from the inhumanity of regular employment
   There is no point in getting angry, but there is a stupid malignity to all this that does try one's patience
   Things will go on as they always have--that is to say, badly
   This button isn't really very witty and it runs on and on and you'd probably be much happier reading some other button.  Most of them aren't half as depressing as this one.  Don't say I didn't warn you.
   This is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up, RIGHT?
   This isn't hell.  This is where you get sent when you've been bad in hell.
   The vultures are circling...they have the faces of presidential candidates and carry bowling balls in their buttered claws....
   We already have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
   We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities
   We have only two things to worry about--either that things will never get back to normal, or that they already have
   What could possibly go wrong?
   Whenever you're holding all the cards, why does everyone else turn out to be playing chess?
   Why do people spend years writing a novel when they can buy one for a few dollars?
   The windmills are winning
   The world is a video game where you don't have another quarter
   You are here and this is the highlight of your day
   You are in a maze of twisty little UNIX versions, all different
   You can't win.  You can't break even.  You can't get out of the game.  Can I abdicate?
   Go sell crazy someplace else.  We're all stocked up here.
   It's ok to re-invent the wheel, but I hate hearing people argue about how many corners it should have
   Some people have one of those days. I have one of those lives.
   If I lived in hell, I'd be home by now
   Raised by psychopathic wolverines
   If democracies don't defend civil liberties, how can we expect dictatorships to defend civil liberties?
   We enter into this world naked, howling, and covered with blood. Why does the fun have to end there?
   If you're punctual, no one else is there to appreciate it
   I no longer fear hell, I work in retail
   My coalition is broad enough
   Small brain, big universe
   Consider a frictionless a a a a a a...... [the a's are on a descending diagonal]
   Being brutally assaulted by real life. Please call back later.
   JUST VISITING THIS UNIVERSE....therefore, in no way responsible
   There's gotta be an easier way of going broke
   Come on, brain! You & me together....
   If I had intended to work this hard while living in unpaid obscurity, I could have been a science fiction writer
   I've spent my life surrounded by crazy people. Some of it has rubbed off.
   For my next reincarnation, I'm going to read the fine print FIRST
   I'm living in fiction. They keep changing the genre
   Intelligent Design? My knees say "not".
   If I have to educate one more doctor, I'm going to start billing for it!
   Why aren't good ideas better at attracting people?
   I'm only authorized to tell you that you're screwed
   I don't just have issues, I have a subscription
   Oh crap, now you're going to try and cheer me up, aren't you?
   Bodies are complicated! And tech support doesn't answer the phone!
   Why can't anyone tell I'm wearing this business suit ironically?
   Do not attempt to escape-- existence is futile
   If pain were gain, I'd be a billionaire
   I do my best proofreading after I hit send
   Kafka was writing documentation
   Coyote's chew toy
   The horrible thing about computers is that they ALMOST work
   Drama Free Zone
   I'm so stressed, I'm getting on my own nerves
   Real life in: sarcasm out
   I am a very responsible person. Whenever anything goes wrong, everyone says I'm responsible.
   Only by stepping back to look at the big picture can we find out if we were standing with our backs to a ledge
   My brain has too many tabs open
   This being an adult thing is so HARD
   Goddamn Entropy
   SOCIETY: Be yourself. No, not like that.
   If only we were as good at politics as we are at political satire

Stickers

   Grad School - It's not just a job, it's an indenture!
   How long do I have to be a grad student before I can petition for tenure?
   My ship finally came in, but it was the Kobayashi Maru!

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Contact Nancy Lebovitz to discuss anything you want; she's friendly. This includes discussing the site, of course.
Or contact Joshua Kronengold, who did most of the [perl] CGI and HTML work on the site if you want to discuss similar work [He's not at all cheap, but is good and fast].