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Category (SICK HUMOR)


Buttons

   ...And I thought phrenology with a ball-peen hammer was a dying art!
   Anything you say will be distorted and remixed and used against you
   "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
   At any time, at any place, our snipers can drop you.  Have a nice day.
   Barbie doesn't come with Ken, she comes with GI Joe--she fakes it with Ken
   Beware of the Vampire Jesus--He gave his blood for you and he wants it all back now!
   Bite off one chicken head and they never let you forget
   Blood is thicker than water--and much tastier
   Can you imagine a roast aardvark without an apple in its mouth?  It's like a martini without the egg
   Cat--the other white meat
   Death called while you were out, so I gave him your pager number
   Death is but a doorway  Here, let me hold that for you
   Does the noise in my head bother you?
   Don't Panic!  It's all right.  Everything is going to be just fine.
   Don't take life seriously--it isn't permanent
   Drink Blood---Fifty trillion mosquitos can't be wrong
   Drink up, Socrates, it's all natural
   Eat my cactus
   Eat whales--intelligent food for intelligent people
   ELF: The other white meat
   Free Oral Castrations
   Gerbil-jamming is safe--if you don't share gerbils
   Gross anatomy--it isn't just for breakfast anymore
   Having a Prince Albert means never losing your car keys
   Hello.  I'm from the government and I'm here to tell you that the check is in the mail.
   Hello.  My name is Oedipus.  You are my father.  Prepare to die.
   The human spirit is a hard thing to kill, even with a chain saw
   I eat the flesh of the living--and I vote
   I guess we were all guilty.  We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I killed Bob".
   I just held my hand up to this buzz saw and lost one of my fingers!  What do you make of that?...Damn--there goes another!
   I killed and ate my inner child--tastes like chicken
   I used to love anchovies until I realized they were like eating an eyebrow. Now they just aren't the same.
   I wouldn't hurt a fly, but only because they taste funny
   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themself, is it a hostage situation?
   If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you may have an exciting future as a guillotine operator
   If you can read this, you're in range
   If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day
   I'm your No. 1 fan.  You're lucky I found you.
   In ten minutes, the Joker poison on your Batman memorabilia will be activated
   Look out for #1.  Don't step in #2, either.
   The meek are getting ready
   A mushroom cloud on the horizon, 24 empty missile tubes--now it's Miller time
   Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
   Nuke the baby seals for Jesus
   Nuke the Smurfs
   Nuke the whales
   Obtain one Lamb o' God.  Garnish with about 90 vegetables and seal up tightly with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.  Allow them to stew in their own juices for 51 days, then sear quickly using a wood fire.  Serves one media circus.
   Please do not look into laser with remaining eyeball
   Save the nukes
   Seppuku button(tm)--to use, fold back pin
   Slit your wrists--it'll lower your blood pressure
   Smile!  Cthulhu loves you!
   Support your local medical examiner--die strangely
   That which does not kill me makes me smarter, except for oxygen deprivation
   This IS a costume.  I'm a homicidal maniac--they look just like everyone else.
   Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence
   Until you walk a mile in someone else's moccasins, you can't imagine the smell
   Vegetarians eat vegetables--I am a humanitarian
   Watership Down: You've read the book.  You've seen the movie.  Now eat the stew.
   Welcome back to square one
   Welcome to hell.  I'm your caseworker.
   What if it was the Warren Commission who killed JFK?
   When people go berzerk at the post office, why are so few of them customers?
   When the fifty dwarves dwindled to eight, everyone began to suspect Hungry
   While you were reading my buttons, my friend was picking your pocket
   You're a much nicer person than I am, so I'm sure you'll forgive the vicious things I've been saying about you
   Give me brains.  After all, you are what you eat.
   "More hay, Trigger?"  "No thanks, Roy. I'm stuffed."
   My name is Bambi.  You killed my mother.  Prepare to die.
   Press button to test.  Release to detonate.
   Blood is thicker than water. Adjust your recipes accordingly.   
   God wrote the program, evolution is the output, meteor strikes are the reset button  
   I hate tattoos.  They make the meat taste all funny.
   Now let us peel back the foreskin of misconception and apply the wire brush of enlightenment
   When cats feel nauseous they think, "I hope I can make it to the couch"  
   "Bother," said Pooh, as Piglet came back from the dead  
   It's all about the pain. The tattoos and piercing jewelry are just souvenirs.  
   Don't give the GM any ideas
   Once again, a harmless gasoline fight ends in pointless tragedy
   If it still has feelings, it isn't cooked enough
   I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than ride in a car with Teddy Kennedy
   I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments
   Paddle faster. I hear banjos.
   I've got places to go, people to dissect

Stickers

   Friends let you hide at their place. Real friends let you hide bodies.

ADVICE
ANARCHY
ANGST
ANIME
ANTI-BUSH
THE ARTS
ATTITUDE, ARROGANCE, BOASTING
BABIES AND OTHER RELATIVES
BACKRUBS AND HUGS
BITCHINESS AND PMS
BOOKS
BUREAUCRACY
CAFFEINE
CATS
CHOCOLATE
COME ONS, TURNDOWNS, SEX, GENDER
COMPUTERS: General
COMPUTERS: Angst
COMPUTERS: Bugs
COMPUTERS: Dealing with Users
COMPUTERS: Jobs
COMPUTERS: Personal Computers (DOS, MAC, etc.)
COMPUTERS: Programming
COMPUTERS: Puns
COMPUTERS: Specific Languages (C, COBOL, OTHERS)
COMPUTERS: Unix and Related OS's
COMPUTERS: Email, social media, the web, and usenet
CROSSOVER
CTHULHU
CYNICISM
DISCORDIANISM
DOGS
DRINKING AND DRUGS
DRIVING
ELECTION 2004
FAERIE
FANDOM
FIBER ARTS
FIRST AMENDMENT
FANTASY
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FOOD
IDEALISM
INSANITY
KINKY
LANGUAGE
LATENESS
L337 and LOLCAT
LEFT-HANDEDNESS AND DYSLEXIA
LIBRARIES
MAGIC: THE GATHERING
MATHEMATICS
MEDIA
MEDICAL
MEDIEVALISM
MILITARY AND WAR
MONEY
MOOD AND TEMPERAMENT
MORNINGS, SLEEP DEPRIVATION
MURPHY'S LAWS
MUSIC
9/11
NINJA
NUMBER OF THE BEAST
OBSCURE
PAGANISM
PARADOXES AND LOGIC
PIRATES
POLITICS
PUNS
PURPLE
REALITY
RELIGION
RIDDLES
SCHOOL
SCIENCE
SECOND AMENDMENT
SCIENCE FICTION
SICK HUMOR
SILLINESS
SMOKING AND NON-SMOKING
SONG PARODIES
SPACE
STRESS
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISM
UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
VAMPIRES
VIOLENCE
VERY SECRET DIARIES
WEAPONS
WEIRDNESS
WORK
WRITING
ZOMBIES
MISCELLANEOUS

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