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Category (COMPUTERS: General)


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   Alpha Nerd
   Any single standard will split into at least two semi-compatible standards within the cycle time of the fastest existing computer
   Artificial Intelligence
   Artificial Intelligence?  I'll be impressed when they invent artificial cunning.
   Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
   As a computer, I find your faith in technology....amusing
   Ask me--I'm interactive
   Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim
   Because of heavy computing requirements we are currently using some of your unallocated brain capacity for backup processing.  Please ignore any hallucinations, voices, or unusual dreams you may experience.  Please avoid concentration intensive tasks until further notice.  Thank you.
   BFA: Branch to False Assumption
   BREAKFAST.COM halted...Cereal port not responding
   But reading the manual isn't any fun!
   CD WOM--Wead onwy memowy
   Children shouldn't be exposed to censorship.  Can I get a chip for that?
   A computer is a genie that can grant any wish.  The catch is that you must express your wish exactly, in binary.
   The computer is happy.  The computer is crazy.  The computer will try to make you happy.  This will drive you crazy.
   Computers run on smoke.  If it leaks out, they don't work.
   The computing field is always in need of new cliches
   The danger from computers is not that they will become smarter than we are, but that we will meet them halfway
   The difference between a fool and a criminal is that a fool attacks unpredictably and on a wider front
   DNA: the ultimate RIS machine language
   Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer
   Do what I mean, not what I say!
   Does this program halt? <In a paradoxical flowchart>
   Earth is 98% full.  Please delete anyone you can.
   Earth shutting down in five minutes--please save all files and log out
   Eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, hack whenever
   The faults in bad software can be so subtle as to be practically theological
   FF buckets of bits on the bus, FF buckets of bits, Take one down and short it to ground, FE buckets of bits
   File not found.  I'll load something *I* think is interesting.
   Fractals--what you see is what you wait for
   The generation of random numbers is much too important to be left to chance
   Hacker != Cracker
   Hacking is a conversational black hole
   Hackito ergo sum
   Hit any key to continue, or any other key to quit
   How do you tell an extrovert computer scientist? He looks at YOUR shoes when he talks to you
   The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity--the rest is overhead for the operating system
   The human race is still in beta testing
   I am not a number! I am a free numeric variable!
   I bought a zip drive to back up my mind, but I filled it with games
   I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on disk somewhere
   I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on tape somewhere
   I have not lost my mind--the tape address is backed up on disk someplace
   I know UNIX, ADA, FORTH, APL, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, SMALLTALK, LISP, and nineteen other high-tech words
   [I think] [I am] <In a circular flowchart>
   [I think] [I am] <In a flowchart with a decision box>
   I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get all the computers in the world to fail at the same time?
   If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set
   If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing
   I'll get a life when I find out where to download one
   In the beginning was the word, but when the second word was added, there was trouble, for with it came syntax
   The information explosion has reached the point where it's cheaper and easier to re-invent the wheel
   Information Vampire--giving a whole new meaning to the word BYTE
   The information went dataway
   It's chaos pure and simple [with detail of Mandelbrot set]
   It's ok to do the right thing, as long as you don't get caught
   It's simple--you're seen what food processors do to food, right?
   Keyboard not found....Think F1 to continue
   Life needs pulldown menus and an undo function
   Life would not be easier if we could get AT the source code
   Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code
   LIFE.DOC not included--booting WINGIT.SYS
   Logic designers don't have orgasms--they have nandgasms with inverted gates
   Main CPU down, batch processing only.  One person at a time, please.
   Managing programmers is like herding cats
   The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation
   The MS-DOS way: If it's broke, fix it.  The Unix way: If it ain't broke, don't touch it.  Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
   My other brain is a Cray
   Nine megs for the secretaries fair, Seven megs for the hackers scarce, Five megs for the grads in smokey lairs, Three megs for system source.  One disk to rule them all, One disk to bind them, One disk to hold the files, And in the darkness grind them.
   Once a program is running, it's obsolete
   One picture had better be worth a thousand words--it takes up more disk space
   Permanent job security is being the only one in the office who reads manuals
   A picture is worth 1024 words
   Rebooting your brain can be tricky
   A running program is the moment of truth.  All else is prophecy or nostalgia.
   Shift to the left!  Shift to the right! Push down!  Pop up!   Byte!  Byte!  Byte!
   So many languages, so little time
   Software is like entropy--it's hard to grasp, weights nothing, and is always increasing
   Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape
   Speaker to Teletypes
   Standards are just industry's way of codifying obsolescence
   They aren't broken, they're...uh...modular
   This is a shareware button.  If you have been amused by what you have just read, please give me one dollar.
   Treat your password like your toothbrush.  Don't let anybody else use it--and get a new one every six months
   The Turing Tarpit is where everything is possible but nothing interesting is easy
   Until somebody debugs reality, the best I can do is a quick patch here and there
   The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output
   We are Pentium of Borg.  You will be approximated.
   We'll see the paperless office as soon as we see the paperless restroom
   What's the difference between a used car salesman and someone who sells computers? A used car salesman knows he's lying--and can drive
   When encryption is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl
   When in doubt, always mount a scratch monkey
   When you have learned to snatch the error code from the trap frame, it will be time for you to leave
   Where's the CNTRL-ALT-MAKE SENSE button?
   Would somebody PLEASE reboot the clue server?
   Write failed on /dev/brain0:filesystem full   Write failed on /dev/brain0:filesystem full   Write failed on /dev/brain0:filesystem full
   You are in a maze of twisty little menus, all different
   You know you've been hacking too long when you wake up at 11 AM and can't get back to sleep because you can't find the go_back_to_sleep command
   I don't do math--that's why I went into computers
   Memory file not found.  Please hit refresh button to reboot name file.
   Alpha Geek
   I've done ISDN.  It's so 20th century.
   Master of Superfluous Technology
   People ask me why I play with computers at home when I use them at work. They don't understand--I play with computers at work, too.
   All your database are belong to us
   There are 10 kinds of people, those who are comfortable with binary, and those who aren't   
   Anything with "Science" in its name isn't one....Political Science, Christian Science, Creation Science, Computer Science  
   'Point and click' means you're out of ammo  
   Come back when you can pass a Turing test  
   Rule 1) Is it plugged in?  Rule 2) No, really. Is it plugged in? 3) Seriously, get on the floor and check. Is it really plugged in?   
   I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.   
   I don't want self-documenting code. I want self-coding documentation.   
   We've tamed the lightning and taught sand to give error messages
   Rule 1) Is it plugged in?  Rule 2) No, really. Is it plugged in? 3) Seriously, get on the floor and check. Is it really plugged in? Rule 4) Now, what about the switch on the back?
   If AIs can act, will they form Turing companies?
   I want a "do it for me" button that pushes itself
   I'm not sure what a sentient Google would be like, but I wouldn't try a denial of service attack on it
   We should have known better than to keep upgrading the cat
   [on yin-yang] Bug/feature
   Make it right before you make it faster  
   I've got Moore's Law...IN MY PANTS!
   Because computers are evil, that's why
   Give a silly requirement, get a silly solution
   Attempting to give a damn. Process failed. Damn not given.
   Computer programming is omnipotence without omniscience
   Invalid thought detected. Close all mental processes and restart body.
    Pot. Kettle. COLOR="#000000".
    WARNING: You are currently using an unregistered evaluation copy of your life. Register now for the full-featured version and cheat codes! --Alia  
   Roses are #FF0000. Violets are #0000FF. All our base are belong to you.
   No spell checker underlines MY words [red squiggle under MY]
   Christmas = Halloween Dec 25 = Oct 31
   A clean house is a sign of a broken computer
   I do my best proofreading after I hit send
   Kafka was writing documentation
   The horrible thing about computers is that they ALMOST work
   How much computing power do you need? MORE  
   Staring at the screen won't make the computer go any faster
   Divide by cucumber error, please reinstall universe and reboot
   I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it. Or I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I have to keep repeating it until you do get it. Really, I prefer IP jokes. It's all the delivery.
   What's your job? Programming What's your hobby? Programming What do you do when you're not programming? Think about programming  
   iTired There's a nap for that
   Trying to make bits not copyable is like trying to make water not wet
   My brain has too many tabs open  
   I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook
   Keep your id inside your superego when your keyboard is in motion
   Older people think of computers as expensive devices that don't work reliably. Younger people think of computers as cheap devices that don't work reliably.

Stickers

   Bad command. Bad, BAD command. Sit! Stay!
   Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
   C:\COFFEE.EXE NOT FOUND <A>bort, <R>etry, <B>rew another pot?
   The computer revolution is over - the computers won!
   Will Write Code for Food
   Testing drugs on computers just makes them safe for computers.
   Life would be so much easier if we just had the source code
   Had a life. Traded it for a faster modem
   When cryptography is outlawed, 7c%K@mp8T=;Rfs9bVhi*5xFwW/Q[uY

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