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   Always keep clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark
   Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well
   Authors rarely welcome even the most constructive advice
   Be careful when you're playing under an anvil tree
   Be yourself--it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it
   Carpe Diem--Make your lives extraordinary
   Cheap, Fast, Good--pick two
   A closed mouth gathers no feet
   DO IT--It's easier to get forgiveness than permission
   Do not call up that which you can not put on hold
   Do or do not...There is no try
   Don't bite my finger--look where I'm pointing
   Don't get even--get odd!
   Don't get suckered in by comments--only debug code
   Don't keep up with the Joneses.  Drag them down to your level.
   Don't look back--something might be gaining on you
   Don't put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today
   Don't take life seriously--it isn't permanent
   Don't worry about who you step on when you're on the way up if you don't plan on coming down
   Don't worry--be silly!
   Everyone is a damn fool for at least five minutes a day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit
   Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them
   Half the failures in life result from pulling in one's horse when it is leaping
   If all else fails, lower your standards
   If all else fails, read the directions
   If at first you don't succeed, change the rules
   If they give you lined paper, write the other way!
   If you can't create it--respect it
   If you can't dress weird, why dress at all?
   If you can't fight and you can't flee...FLOW
   If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten
   If you drink, don't park.  Accidents cause people.
   If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance
   Illegitimi Non Carborundum [with picture of grinning cat]
   In this world, you have to be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.  I spent years being smart. I recommend pleasant.
   It is impossible to solve a problem with the consciousness that created it
   It's important to keep an open mind, but not so open your brains fall out
   It's like brother Nietzsche said--being human is a complicated gig, so give that dark night of the soul a hug and howl the eternal yes
   It's never too late to have a rebellious adolescence
   It's ok to do the right thing, as long as you don't get caught
   It's possible to use karate against a swarm of plankton--but it won't help
   Just adding features because 'it won't hurt'--does
   Just say know
   Just think--how would Bugs Bunny have handled this?
   Just think of it as a live role-playing game
   Life is a banquet to be enjoyed with relish, except for dessert which should be enjoyed with chocolate
   Life should consist of at least fifty percent pure waste of time and the rest in doing what you please
   Live now--procrastinate tomorrow!
   Make love, not war--but be prepared for both
   Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler
   Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup
   Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
   Never ask a barber whether you need a haircut
   Never ask a hungry cat if it loves you for yourself alone
   Never confuse endurance with hospitality
   Never criticize a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes.  Then if he didn't like what you've said, he's a mile away and barefoot.
   Never do anything twice that you don't have to do at all
   Never follow a rule off a cliff
   Never let any mechanical device know you're in a hurry
   Never let your schooling interfere with your education
   Never make anything simple and efficient when it can be complex and wonderful
   Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow
   Never share your foxhole with someone braver than you are
   Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
   Never try to teach a pig to sing. It only wastes your time and annoys the pig.
   Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
   Never use a tool that's more intelligent than you are
   Never wear a hat that has more character than you do
   No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
   Nobody told you not to be a plumber
   Only borrow from pessimists--they don't expect to be paid back
   People who fight fire with fire generally end up as ashes
   Pick your enemies carefully--they're harder to get rid of than friends
   A pile for everything, and everything in its pile
   Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty
   Prepare for the future--read science fiction
   Rule 1: You can't cure stupid
   Smile and the world smiles with you.  Frown and you get credit for thinking.
   Sometimes the only solution is to find a new problem
   There are two types of people, those who do the work, and those who get the credit.  Join the first group--there's less competition.
   There isn't time enough for love, so what does that leave for hate?
   A tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket
   We're so busy catching minnows, we forget we're standing on a whale
   What's the point of being fascinatingly crazy, if you don't enrich the world with it?
   When all else fails, stay in character
   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that fire departments generally use water
   When the bird and the bird book disagree, believe the bird
   Yield to temptation--it may not pass your way again
   You can fly, but that cocoon has to go
   You can't achieve the impossible unless you attempt the absurd
   You don't need to bring your adversaries to their knees, just to their senses
   You're only young once--after that you need another excuse
   You've got to kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight
   Change is inevitable, growth is optional
   Do good, avoid evil, and throw a room party
   One must have the courage of one's peculiarities
   Practice random intelligence and senseless acts of self-control
   A sound mind in a sound body is a goal, not a prerequisite
   Never do anything you wouldn't want to have to explain to the paramedics
   Speak the truth even if your voice trembles
   Knowledge is power.  Power corrupts.  Study hard.  Be evil.
   Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the rat to die
   The Two Rules 1) Don't tell people everything you know
   No sympathy for self-inflicted wounds   
   Good manners is the art of pretending one is not superior   
   Aim high--if you miss your target, at least you won't shoot your foot off
   Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names  
   Anyone who throws loud all-night parties should have to live next to people who mow their lawns at dawn   
   Murphy never sleeps, but that's no reason to poke him with a sharp stick
   The trouble with having an open mind is not knowing what might crawl in when you're not looking
   Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle
   There is a fine line between genius and insanity. Don't use it for a jumprope
   Resistance is not futile
   A professional writer is an amateur writer who didn't quit
   Give up on pessimism. It doesn't work anyway.
   It's not what they call you, it's what you answer to
   For best results, avoid doing stupid things
   I'm not sure what a sentient Google would be like, but I wouldn't try a denial of service attack on it
   For best results, avoid doing anything stupid
   If you find God hates the same people you do, you may have created Him in your own image
   You make peace with your enemies--you don't need to make peace with your friends
   OK, use facts. You can prove anything that's even remotely true if you use facts.
   You don't have to be right. But it helps.
   Being harmless is not enough
   The person who says it can't be done shouldn't interrupt the person who is doing it  
   Make it right before you make it faster  
   Be the change you wish to make in the world  
   When you're in a hole, stop digging  
   The problem with hammering a square peg into a round hole isn't that hammering is hard work--it's that you're destroying the peg.
   Learn from everyone, follow no one, watch for patterns, and work like hell
   Accept that your life will never be normal and go from there
   Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
   Criticize by creating
   If God is your co-pilot, move over
   If you don't know where you're going, don't lead
   Fail again. Fail better.
   If you don't run your life, some one else will
   Knock hard. Life is deaf.
   There's nothing so practical as good theory
   Strive for perfection. Settle for excellence.
   You can try hating people for their own good, but it won't work
   Relish today, ketchup tomorrow
   A page a day is a book a year
   If life hands you limes, ask for salt and tequila
   The greatest barrier to communication is belief that it has already happened  
   Never permit yourself to be greedy and stupid at the same time.  
   Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm   
   Don't worry about people stealing your idea. If it's original, you'll have to ram it down their throats...and they still won't understand it  
   Either you manage your crap or your crap manages you
   Never permit yourself to be stupid and greedy at the same time
   There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning.
   If someone tells you what they are, believe them!
   If there is an elephant in the room, introduce it  
   When approaching the house, enunciate. Do not shamble.
   You might as well look for it. At least you're likely to find something else.
   When you make a mistake, admit it. Crow is best eaten young and tender.
   You only need to test the programs you want to work correctly.
   Accept reality. It works better.
   Don't let assholes rent space in your head
   The conclusion you jump to may be your own
   DO NOT INTERRUPT -- My brain doesn't have a pause button
   However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results
   You can't argue people out of anything they weren't argued into
   You can't argue people out of anything they weren't argued into
   Curse you, ignorance! If only there was a way to acquire knowledge and apply it to the issue at hand!
   I am not broken. Stop trying to fix me.
   Sometimes the best answer is a more interesting question
   Expecting the world to entertain you leads to boredom and sloth. Expecting to entertain the world leads to bright clothes, odd graffiti and amazing grace while running for the bus.
   If it doesn't make sense, you don't have to do it
   It is more important to know what is true today than to have been right yesterday
   Let's make better mistakes tomorrow
   Remember what you wanted before you got used to things?
   If you don't use your mind, someone else will
   A little hostility can take you a long way-- but possibly not in the direction you want
   Any advice which requires the use of a time machine can be safely disregarded
   Try kindness first. It just might work.
   The only thing that makes one an artist, and that's the opposite of hanging out  
   Be excellent to each other
   Always do things in chronological order, it's less confusing that way
   Follow your heart. Take your brains with you.
   You can't revise nothing
   Make it as easy as possible for people to agree with you
   Be careful, your willpower is stronger than your connective tissue
   RELAX-- nothing is under control
   Keep your id inside your superego when your keyboard is in motion
   Watch out for arguments based on some future event.The most obvious thing about the future is that it hasn't happened yet.
   It's so much easier to predict DISASTER than to estimate the resilience in the system
   Dance like nobody's watching--encrypt like everyone is
   Curiosity is the cure for boredom. There is no cure for curiosity.

Stickers

   If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people!  
   Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more!  
   Ignore your rights and they'll go away
   Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
   Question Authority before it Questions You!
   Ignore the propaganda. Focus on what you see.
   WORK as if you don't need the money. LOVE as if you've never been hurt. DANCE as if no one is watching.
   Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be Evil.  
   Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.

ADVICE
ANARCHY
ANGST
ANIME
ANTI-BUSH
THE ARTS
ATTITUDE, ARROGANCE, BOASTING
BABIES AND OTHER RELATIVES
BACKRUBS AND HUGS
BITCHINESS AND PMS
BOOKS
BUREAUCRACY
CAFFEINE
CATS
CHOCOLATE
COME ONS, TURNDOWNS, SEX, GENDER
COMPUTERS: General
COMPUTERS: Angst
COMPUTERS: Bugs
COMPUTERS: Dealing with Users
COMPUTERS: Jobs
COMPUTERS: Personal Computers (DOS, MAC, etc.)
COMPUTERS: Programming
COMPUTERS: Puns
COMPUTERS: Specific Languages (C, COBOL, OTHERS)
COMPUTERS: Unix and Related OS's
COMPUTERS: Email, social media, the web, and usenet
CROSSOVER
CTHULHU
CYNICISM
DISCORDIANISM
DOGS
DRINKING AND DRUGS
DRIVING
ELECTION 2004
FAERIE
FANDOM
FIBER ARTS
FIRST AMENDMENT
FANTASY
FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING
FOOD
IDEALISM
INSANITY
KINKY
LANGUAGE
LATENESS
L337 and LOLCAT
LEFT-HANDEDNESS AND DYSLEXIA
LIBRARIES
MAGIC: THE GATHERING
MATHEMATICS
MEDIA
MEDICAL
MEDIEVALISM
MILITARY AND WAR
MONEY
MOOD AND TEMPERAMENT
MORNINGS, SLEEP DEPRIVATION
MURPHY'S LAWS
MUSIC
9/11
NINJA
NUMBER OF THE BEAST
OBSCURE
PAGANISM
PARADOXES AND LOGIC
PIRATES
POLITICS
PUNS
PURPLE
REALITY
RELIGION
RIDDLES
SCHOOL
SCIENCE
SECOND AMENDMENT
SCIENCE FICTION
SICK HUMOR
SILLINESS
SMOKING AND NON-SMOKING
SONG PARODIES
SPACE
STRESS
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISM
UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
VAMPIRES
VIOLENCE
VERY SECRET DIARIES
WEAPONS
WEIRDNESS
WORK
WRITING
ZOMBIES
MISCELLANEOUS

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