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Category (SCIENCE)


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   After a correction has turned out to be a mistake, it will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation
   Always keep a record of your data--it shows you've been working
   And God said: <Maxwell's equations>...and then there was light!
   Animal testing is a terrible idea--they get all nervous and give the wrong answers
   Another case of too many scientists, not enough hunchbacks
   Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
   Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
   Any sufficiently high technology is indistinguishable from doubletalk
   Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced
   Back off, man--I'm a scientist
   Beware of Quantum Ducks--Quark! Quark! Quark!
   Black holes are where God is dividing by zero
   A bristlecone pine is just a fire's way of making another fire
   But your honor, the light had dopplered to green
   Celestial Mechanic--inclined to be eccentric
   Chem E's make the best heat exchangers
   Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery
   A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library
   Deterministic Chaotic Physicist
   The difference between fantasy and science fiction is that in fantasy, dragons can hover; in science fiction, they can not
   Dinosaurs exist.  Paleobiologists are extinct.
   DNA: the ultimate RIS machine language
   E = mc^2 + 3d6
   Engineering is the art of molding materials we do not fully understand into shapes we cannot fully analyse and preventing the public from realizing the full extent of our ignorance
   Enough research will tend to support your theory
   Entropy is what happens when the universe doesn't pay its electric bill
   Entropy isn't what it used to be
   Entropy--it's a tough job, but somebody's got to undo it
   Entropy requires no maintenance
   Experience varies directly with equipment ruined
   The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the data must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory
   The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny
   The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90%
   For something to become clean, something else must become dirty, but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean
   GE Genetic Engineering   We bring good things to life
   The great tragedy of science is the slaying of a beautiful theory by an ugly fact
   Half of what I know today will be obsolete in five years--I'd just like to know which half
   The heck with top and bottom--I want relationships with strangeness and charm
   Hello--I'm in a superposition of states right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, I'll get back to you as soon as my state collapses
   High Voltage Electronics--life's a glitch, and then you fry
   How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?  None--they don't bother with that short-wavelength stuff
   I always thank the dinosaurs for a plentiful supply of 10W30. It may seem selfish, but they were going to die anyway
   I don't care what dark matter is--just so it isn't SPIDERS
   I don't pretend to understand the universe--it's much bigger than I am --Einstein
   I used to have a Heisenbergmobile, but every time I looked at the speedometer, I got lost
   If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
   If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a breath all the air would be on the other side of the room
   If pi were three, this sentence would look like this [the o's are hexagons]
   If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?
   If you are in a car travelling at the speed of light in reverse and turn on the headlights, what happens?
   If you know what you're doing, how long it will take, or what it will cost, it isn't research.
   If you torture the data enough, it will confess
   If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
   In science, it doesn't matter if you're wrong, as long as you're not stupid.  In business, it doesn't matter if you're stupid, so long as you're not wrong.
   Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out
   Instrument of Darwin
   Is the surface of a planet the right place for a developing technological civilization?
   It would be nice if entropy could be used for something constructive
   Kamikaze Chemist
   The little engineer that could
   Matter can be neither created nor destroyed nor returned without proper receipt
   The meek will inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars
   Nothing shocks me.  I'm a scientist.  
   Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon--after a while you'd run out of air to push against
   186,000 mps--it's not the law, it's just a challenge
   186,000 mps: It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW
   1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight--it's not just a good idea, it's the LAW
   A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms
   Physics is not a religion.  If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   Planets are smarter than astronomers because planets can solve the three-body problem
   Please do not look into laser with remaining eyeball
   Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth
   Quantum Mechanics are <psi>chotic
   Quantum Mechanics--the dreams stuff is made of
   Quantum physics predicts the past with 80% accuracy
   Resistance is useless (if less than 1 <capital omega>)
   Schroedinger cut the wave equation down to <psi>'s
   Science is true--don't be misled by facts
   Science seeks to make theories that are so beautiful, elegant, and logical that Nature is flattered and acquiesces
   The shorter the life of the particle, the more it costs to produce
   SPCA--we're here to inquire about the health of Dr. Schrodinger's cat
   This is a 100% matter product. In the unlikely event that it contacts anti-matter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result
   This universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
   This universe is sold by mass, not by volume.  Some expansion may have occurred during shipment.
   This universe is sold by weight, not by volume.  Some settling may have occurred during shipment.
   Two atoms bump into each other.  "Are you ok?"  "No, I lost an electron."  "Are you sure?"  "I'm positive."
   2+2 now equals 5.15785423.  Please recalibrate your equipment accordingly
   2.998x10^10 cm/sec--It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW
   Under the most carefully controlled conditions of temperature, density and pressure, the organism will do what it damn well pleases
   Unfortunately, Albert, God DOES play dice with the universe
   What if the purpose of intelligent life is to get all that carbon back into the ecosystem?
   What is the output of a vacuum pump?
   Who needs fantasy when you can have physics?
   Why are elves chaotic?  Brownian motion
   You shouldn't go faster than twice the speed of light--it's too hard on the tires
   If God had wanted us to use metric, he would have given us ten fingers
   If God hadn't wanted bioengineering, he wouldn't have let us read the table of contents
   I didn't believe in entropy until I bought a house
   I want to move to theory.  Everything works in theory.
   God is who. Evolution is how.  
   God wrote the program, evolution is the output, meteor strikes are the reset button  
   If we knew what we were doing, we wouldn't call it research
   In the Singularity, everyone will be famous for 15 nanoseconds. Simultaneously.
   Kill one person, you're a murderer. Kill a hundred people, you're a terrorist. Kill a million people, you're a government. Kill everyone, you're a god.  
   Oh, sure....but what's the speed of dark?   
   Spathic   
   Bacteria don't die, they phage away  
   Every engineer's goal is to retire without being blamed for a major catastrophe  
   What did you do to the cat? It looks half dead. ---Schrodinger's wife  
   I believe in gravity. It' always lets me down.
   Everything is more complicated than it looks. Biology is more like everything than anything else is.
   Save the Hubble [picture of telescope]
   The temperature of Hell is measured in degrees Calvin
   Relativity, Causality, FTL--pick two
   My monkey is ashamed to be related to the Kansas Board of Education
   Preserve the old-growth lithosphere  BAN SUBDUCTION  
   Reunite Gondawanaland!
   Small brain, big universe
   Consider a frictionless a a a a a a...... [the a's are on a descending diagonal]
   What do you get if you cross a tse-tse fly with a mountain climber? Undefined. A tse-tse fly is a vector and a mountain climber is a scalar.  
   Is there a test for litmus paper?
   OH, EVOLVE!
   I'm not performing any experiments on myself without a larger control group
   Tachyon: a gluon that isn't quite dry
   I work with Old Fossils
   There's nothing so practical as good theory
   If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes
   Not only does the Pope believe in evolution, he's a Primate
   [in red] If this is blue, you're going too fast
   I am not a mad scientist. I am an angry engineer.
   If you have black holes, why do you need a drill?
   F = ma be with you
   Remember: With great power comes great current squared times resistance
   "Intelligent Design?" my knees say *not*.
   The plural of anecdote is hypothesis
   100% STAR STUFF
   Contents: Almost 100$ recycled organic biomass
   I was into cryonics before it was cool
   Contents: 100% stellar debris
   Experimental psychology is the best excuse for teasing people
   I've got places to go, people to dissect
   Science can't work unless you use it
   Matter cannot be created or destroyed or returned without proper receipt
   I fight entropy. It's great job security.
   What do we want? Evidence based change. When do we want it? After peer review.
   Do not trust atoms, They make up everything.
   Nice hypothesis you've got there. It'd be a shame if someone happened to test it.
   Petroleum-based knitter, removing that nasty oil from the ground one skein at a time
   [three separate lines] NaCL NaOH The base is under a salt!
   Still loyal to the brontosaurus, and Pluto is SO a planet
   Think outside the Klein bottle

Stickers

   The meek shall inherit the Earth. The rest of us are going to the stars!
   Dead men tell no tales... unless you're in forensics
   [fish with legs] You keep believing... we'll keep evolving!
   Animal testing is futile! The animals always get nervous and give the wrong answers
   What we really need is a moment of SCIENCE in the public schools!
   Reunite Gondwanaland
   Will Genetically Engineer Organisms For Food
   Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I am a Rocket Scientist!
   God is who. Evolution is how.
   Preserve the old growth lithosphere. BAN SUBDUCTION!

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