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   *All* houses are fixer-uppers
   All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative
   And what do I look like--the living?
   As long as we're going insane, we might as well go the whole way.  A mere shred of sanity is of no value.
   Be nice to me--I'm out of Valium
   Beware--I'm armed and have pre-menstrual tension
   But this IS the simplified version for the general public!
   Caution: Contents under pressure
   Caution--I was not hired for my disposition
   DISORGANIZATION is merely the sign of a very healthy individual trying to do more in a shorter period of time than those lazy, obsessively tidy types who can think of nothing better to do than straighten objects in drawers and stuff like that which only feeds their egos and makes them think that they are better than those of us who are truly gifted
   Do not disturb.  I had a hard enough time getting turbed in the first place
   Don't look back--something might be gaining on you
   Don't look back--the lemmings might be gaining on you
   For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, press 3  
   Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them
   Fucking Great Crashing Waves of Stress!
   grumble grumble growl hiss bitch whine piss moan
   I am under the influence of sugar, caffeine, and lack of sleep, and should not be held responsible for my behavior
   I don't have burnout, but I'm slightly singed
   I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still here
   If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
   If it's not one thing, it's a BUNCH of things
   If that which does not kill me makes me stronger, I must be Arnold Schwarzenegger by now
   If you're going down in flames, you might as well hit something big
   I'm feeling homicidal--say ANYTHING
   I'm taking last week back to the store, and I won't even ask for a refund
   It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milkbone underwear
   It's been lovely, but I have to scream now
   I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it
   The less you bother me, the sooner you'll get results
   Life imitates art, but does it have to imitate satire?
   Life isn't always fair, but it shouldn't cheat that much
   Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat
   Main CPU down, batch processing only.  One person at a time, please.
   Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world and THEN I'll feel better
   My life is like juggling Faberge' eggs in variable gravity
   Never volunteer--they'll send you to earth
   No job too big, no job too small, no job too stupid
   No time to eat.  No time to sleep.  It's a good thing breathing is involuntary.
   No wanna work!  Wanna bang on keyboard!
   Now is NOT a good time to annoy me
   Nuke the world--I want to get off
   Oh, no, not another learning experience!
   One day I shall burst my bud of calm and blossom into hysteria
   One hundred hairy bugs in the code, one hundred hairy bugs....Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 hairy bugs.  Repeat until BUGS = 0
   One of the symptoms of impending nervous breakdown is the belief that your work is terribly important
   Overload--core meltdown initiated
   [picture of gauge past overload]
   Reality is the leading cause of stress
   RTFM
   SHE WHO would like to BE OBEYED at least some of the time
   Some people live life in the fast lane.  I live in oncoming traffic.
   Sorry I'm late...Do we hate everyone, or should I concentrate on someone in particular
   That which does not kill you may just be....toying
   The therapist is NOT in
   There ain't no such thing as a free weekend
   There can't be a crisis next week--my schedule is already full
   Time is supposed to keep everything from happening at once...it's not working
   The trouble with being an adult is that it takes up so much of your time
   Warning: One human being.  Contents under pressure. Use only as directed.
   Where am I going, and what am I doing in this handbasket?
   Why do people with so few clues have so much time?
   Will the deity who nailed the KOSMIC KARMIC KICKME sign to my back kindly remove it?
   Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now?
   Would somebody PLEASE reboot the clue server?
   Yea, though I walk through the valley of bad design, I will fear no tolerance, for I can just "work around it"
   You don't have to be crazy to work here.  We'll train you.
   If children are God's little blessings, I'd hate to experience His wrath
   I've had my weird shit quota for the week.  Thank you.
   If they call it common sense, shouldn't more people have it?
   The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is 2 persons at one time unless I install handrails or safety straps.  As you have arrived 6th in line to ride my ass today, please take a number and wait your turn.
   Take your need for instant gratification somewhere else
   You cannot really appreciate Dilbert until you have read it in the original Klingon
   Ok, that was a little TOO educational
   I didn't believe in entropy until I bought a house
   I want to move to theory.  Everything works in theory.
   Yes, I'm working on it.  No, I don't know when it will be done.  DON'T ASK!
   Do you know what it's like to be born a Messiah with no way of realizing your potential?  
   But I don't WANT to live in a Tom Clancy novel!  
   Anyone who throws loud all-night parties should have to live next to people who mow their lawns at dawn   
   What did I say that sounds like "Tell me about your life?"  
   I am NOT your spiritual scratching post
   What we want is things that work, what we get is technology
   Losing faith in humanity, one person at a time
   Don't ask me about my dissertation
   The person who says it can't be done shouldn't interrupt the person who is doing it  
   Religion isn't the opium of the people any more--it's speed  
   NOT BORN TO MULTI-TASK--would all tasks please line up in order?
   Of those who say nothing, few are silent
   Fast, Easy, Painless. Sorry, only one to a customer.
   If you don't know where you're going, don't lead
   This will have been fun
   What I really need is minions, but I'll settle for my flying monkeys
   I've had enough history, thank you
   I don't want to nag you, BUT YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE!
   What I really want is a phone with caller IQ
   I'm only authorized to tell you that you're screwed
   I've had enough history, thank you
   I wish Facebook had a SMITE button
   Please stop, you're getting the stupid on my shoes
   Monday, Tuesday, then WTF
   Dear whatever didn't kill me, I'm strong enough now. Thanks.
   I turn the other cheek. I only have four of them, so SO DON'T OVERDO IT!

Stickers

   I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense!
   If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it!  
   Computers cut my work in half... and the boss expects me to put it all back together!
   Where are we going? Why am I in this handbasket?
   Some days, it's just not worth gnawing through the straps
   I got out of bed for this?
   This isn't a life it's a forced March!
   You'd be like this, too, if they dropped a house on your sister!
   EARTH IS FULL! GO HOME!
   Some days, it's just not worth crawling out of the primordial ooze.
   I have NOT lost my mind. It's backed up on the server. (and the network is down again...)
   In my next life, I want more memory installed!

ADVICE
ANARCHY
ANGST
ANIME
ANTI-BUSH
THE ARTS
ATTITUDE, ARROGANCE, BOASTING
BABIES AND OTHER RELATIVES
BACKRUBS AND HUGS
BITCHINESS AND PMS
BOOKS
BUREAUCRACY
CAFFEINE
CATS
CHOCOLATE
COME ONS, TURNDOWNS, SEX, GENDER
COMPUTERS: General
COMPUTERS: Angst
COMPUTERS: Bugs
COMPUTERS: Dealing with Users
COMPUTERS: Jobs
COMPUTERS: Personal Computers (DOS, MAC, etc.)
COMPUTERS: Programming
COMPUTERS: Puns
COMPUTERS: Specific Languages (C, COBOL, OTHERS)
COMPUTERS: Unix and Related OS's
COMPUTERS: Email, social media, the web, and usenet
CROSSOVER
CTHULHU
CYNICISM
DISCORDIANISM
DOGS
DRINKING AND DRUGS
DRIVING
ELECTION 2004
FAERIE
FANDOM
FIBER ARTS
FIRST AMENDMENT
FANTASY
FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING
FOOD
IDEALISM
INSANITY
KINKY
LANGUAGE
LATENESS
L337 and LOLCAT
LEFT-HANDEDNESS AND DYSLEXIA
LIBRARIES
MAGIC: THE GATHERING
MATHEMATICS
MEDIA
MEDICAL
MEDIEVALISM
MILITARY AND WAR
MONEY
MOOD AND TEMPERAMENT
MORNINGS, SLEEP DEPRIVATION
MURPHY'S LAWS
MUSIC
9/11
NINJA
NUMBER OF THE BEAST
OBSCURE
PAGANISM
PARADOXES AND LOGIC
PIRATES
POLITICS
PUNS
PURPLE
REALITY
RELIGION
RIDDLES
SCHOOL
SCIENCE
SECOND AMENDMENT
SCIENCE FICTION
SICK HUMOR
SILLINESS
SMOKING AND NON-SMOKING
SONG PARODIES
SPACE
STRESS
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISM
UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
VAMPIRES
VIOLENCE
VERY SECRET DIARIES
WEAPONS
WEIRDNESS
WORK
WRITING
ZOMBIES
MISCELLANEOUS

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  I was born weird--this terrible compulsion to behave normally is the result of childhood trauma
 

 

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